Do I really look like someone with a plan?

Cause I'm not. No where near. But somehow I am the one who is planning the wedding. The thing that kills me is that I was in theater for four years. I was head of the prop department I had had to have a plan of some kind or else no one would have their props and Mr. rush would not be happy...lets face it "The rainbow would be in a sour mood" and no one wanted that. I am a teacher and my whole career revolves around planning and organizing. so why is this wedding kicking my ever widening ass!?! I think part of the problem is everyone has an opinion on what we should do. And as well meaning as the family's are it seems like none of them are considering the feelings of the main two people involved. Then there are the people who assume because you bring it up in their presence that they are involved and invited. for example

Me:*sigh*

co-worker:Whats up wedding blues?

Me: Not really it's just stressful. Everything seems to be so easy when I write it down on paper but doing it seems like pulling teeth. Like the flowers...I just want the big pink daisy's with thick stems...

CW:OH MY GOD! I know exactly where to get those...I can take you this weekend and we can do more wedding planning! You need to let me know when the wedding is so I can get the time off!

Me:uhhhhh

OK so I know it might be bad to not invite the co-workers (I mean I like most of them) but small and intimate is the wedding David and I are going for. We are only inviting immediate family and the one friend who is coming is also our photographer. I hate telling people "no your not invited" but I know i will have to eventually. I wish David was more involved but at this point he is SO busy with work (he works hard...and has a very demanding job) that all he sees is wedding 10 months away...I have time...HA! We so don't have time. i have been through this once (I vaguely remember declaring a week before my first wedding that I would never do this again).

Not to mention the wedding porn that I have found on the new wedding website that Brina informed me on...I thought I was bad on the knot! of course She and I discussed it and a lot of the women on the knot are...well...kinda bitchy so I'm thinking not so much with posting there anymore. Le Sigh! ah well in ten months it will be over (of course we come back from our honeymoon just in time for thanksgiving and Christmas...I must have lost my damn mind planning a wedding that close to the holidays!)

Crazy thoughts!

Michelle"At least the wedding nightmares haven't started...yet"Gasaway

Why...

Why is it that just when things are going right...just when I am perfectly happy that something has to go wrong? I sometimes think that maybe it is all my fault. I mean I am irresponsible to a fault. I lose things constantly Money,keys,important paper work. I know I am 25 and I need to fix this but I don't know how. The saying "I would lose my head if it wasn't screwed on" totally pertains to me. I am so incredibly like my mother it isn't even funny. The thing is my mom and I both wear rose colored glasses. We see the world as pretty and bad things for us have to be really really bad. The difference is this, She tries to ignore the bad things thinking if she does they will just go away. I don't ignore them I just don't realize it's happening until it blind sides me. And I am beginning to realize that a lot of the issues i am having right now stem from my first marriage. I have always said if I could go back I would do things differently (i.e. run screaming) but would I? David and I are together and met because of my ex and Friends I made through her. Le Sigh. thinking of the past does nothing to help the future. We will be OK and in just under 10 months I will be Mrs. Sarra...YAY!

Morning Thoughts!

Michelle"Just keep breathing"Gasaway

you can never tell

So I have decided to make a scrapbook for myself and David. We have taken pictures of everything and even have pictures from the night we meet and our first date to the day we told each other "I love you" for the first time and the night he proposed plus all the holidays. I also have a ton of stuff to put in it like napkins from the restaurant etc. Is that crazy? lol I think not! I think I want to give it to him on the day of our wedding while we are waiting. I think it will be a nice gift...I think. We will see.
The funny thing is as I was going through all of our pictures and figuring out which ones to use I just kept thinking "holy crap" In 10 months from today...we will be married! and in 3 months we will have been together for a year...a flipping year! It seems like we are still so new to each other. We still rush home to be with each other and want to spend our free time together. I still fall asleep laying on his chest and wake up with him curled up around me. and I still love it.

Happy Thoughts!

Michelle"and the countdown really begins!"Gasaway

Another weekend without rest

At least for David. We went up to my dads this weekend. He was taking David hog hunting. I never myself understood the attraction to hunting to be honest. You have to get up at like the ass crack of dawn schlep through the woods in a half awake stupor and sit either in a tree or on the ground for long periods of time with out access to a bathroom (I'm not peeing in the woods...ain't happening), heater, air conditioner (depending on the season), or food (unless you pack snacks that make no noise when you open them or eat them and have no sent that could scare away animals) and wait around for animals. but not just any animal oh no...the specific one that you are allowed to hunt! sometimes you get one and if you do you have then haul it out of the woods and will not even get into the whole skinning and cleaning part...icky. I can barley make a ham sandwich with out thinking of Wilbur and getting sad so for me hunting is NEVER going to happen! But I do not fault my father for it and if David wants to learn how then I will not stand in his way. I still eat meat...I just don't want to see it prancing around the forest before I do.



But while David (who BTW didn't kill anything...which I was secretly thankful for) was hunting with my dad my step mom and I were doing girlie things like wedding planning and watching chick flicks. YAY!

I know I know!

You would think I would do better keeping up with this blog! I have been super duper busy though. David and I are getting married! And if that wasn't exciting enough...one of my oldest (as in known each other for a long time but reconnected about a year ago) friends is also engaged! Yay! Originally I started this to post my preschool stories. a couple of years ago my director/mentor and I were talking about how wonderful it would be to have a preschool teachers handbook. stories of how students and parents have touched our lives and how we in turn have touched theirs. I began collecting storeys from teachers parents and even former student and former parents. But somehow I got sidetracked. I hope I can start up again. I tried writing a short fiction story based on several stories I was reading about in the papers about child abandonment from the perspective of the person who finds a child but as always after getting some constructive criticism and re-reading it I decided it was no good and deleted it. I don't think people realise how difficult it is to write fiction sometimes. I have a million stories in my head but after I write them down...it just seems like they go from being inspired and imaginative to forced and contrite. But re-telling stories of my experiences in the classroom...that I think I do better at. here's to a happy new year!

Happy Thoughts!

Michelle"Brina I'm sorry about not responding immediately to your comment I would love to go work-out with you! I don't get e-mail alerts when I get comments....I will check this more often now!lol"Gasaway

Baby it's cold outside!

Wow...3 days till Christmas and it is finally...FINALLY getting colder! Thank you lord!

losing weight is such a bitch!

seriously! I thought my activeness at work was enough (and anyone who thinks teaching isn't an active job...come to my school and teach my kiddos one day) but it was only enough to keep my ass from getting bigger. The fact of the matter is I have been 197-200 for the past 3 months. and the bad thing is I gained about 40 pounds in 5 months. It sucks and scares me at the same time. The holidays are coming up and so help me if i gain any more weight it will be at this time of year! *sigh* I wish I could afford Liposuction.

David on the other hand has the exact opposite problem. He is trying to gain weight!...bastard!

Hope everyone is enjoying the holidays so far. 1 down 4 more to go and then we get a break. I don't know about U guys but by the time valentines day roles around...I am beyond tired of holidays!

Happy Thoughts!