It's a new day

4 and a half months...no wait scratch that...2 and a half years...nope not that either.

Ok so lets just go with...a long time ago...I was happy. I loved my life my family my friends...we will call this time period HIGH SCHOOL. And more specificlly...my senior year. My happiness lasted another 2 years after graduation. and then something changed. I meet the big ole ex.

and my happiness..the joy i felt waking up in the morning...was gone. After our seperation The saddness lingerd. like the smell in a bathroom...and over time i got used to it. And it nearly destroyed not only me but my relationship with D as well as D himself.

I made bad choices and betrayed his trust all the while crying because I knew I was killing him. I needed help but didn't want him to know how broken I was. To him I was perfection. And he forgave me over and over and over again.

Until one day he couldn't take it anymore. He was angry, and justifiablly so.

i thought it was the end. But it wasn't. It lasted 3 days.

Hearing him say I love you again and knowing what could happen changed me.

I admited my problems I got help and now for the first time in 8 or 9 years.

I am happy again. The joy is back.

Life is wonderful

The baby is sleeping. I have lasagna in the oven cooking. Lord of the rings is playing in the background.

david is at work. I wish he didn't work nights. i hate not eating dinner with him. I hate not saying goodnight.

But i love my life.

I'm coverd in vomit. Have bags under my eyes. and haven't put on make-up or done my hair in a week.

But i love my life!!!

My birth story.

I know I posted this on my other blog but since I decided to write exclusivly on this blog I decided to go ahead and post it here as well.

January 12th...3:00 A.M. contractions...5 min. apart. 30-45 seconds long.

David went to sleep...I stayed up...and cleaned the kitchen...took a shower...cleaned the living room....took another shower...recleaned the kitchen (do you see where this is going)

10:25 call the birthing center. They told me to relax and call as soon as my water has broken.

10:27 lay down to get some sleep.

30 seconds later...water breaks.

they next 2 hours were boring. calling family birhting center and updating facebook (yep I am that girl).

arrive at birthing center at 12:30

I labored till about 5:40. It was relaxing. D massaging my back as I breathed through each contraction while sitting on the birthing ball (best invention ever)

at 5:40 I started pushing.

10 min later my beautiful daughter was born.

I can't even put into words the amazing feeling it was to give birth. the pain the joy everything.

and I absolutly can't wait till I do it again :)

What's for dinner

Ingredients
4 (3/4 inch) thick pork chops
1 teaspoon vegetable oil
2 tablespoons brown sugar
salt and pepper to taste
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 tart apples - peeled, cored and sliced
3 tablespoons pecans (optional)
Directions
1.Preheat oven to 175 degrees F (80 degrees C). Place a medium dish in the oven to warm.
2.Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat. Brush chops lightly with oil and place in hot pan. Cook for 5 to 6 minutes, turning occasionally, or until done. Transfer to the warm dish, and keep warm in the preheated oven.
3.In a small bowl, combine brown sugar, salt and pepper, cinnamon and nutmeg. Add butter to skillet, and stir in brown sugar mixture and apples. Cover and cook until apples are just tender. Remove apples with a slotted spoon and arrange on top of chops. Keep warm in the preheated oven.
4.Continue cooking sauce uncovered in skillet, until thickened slightly. Spoon sauce over apples and chops. Sprinkle with pecans.

nom nom nom!

not sure what to make with this as far as veggies or sides...hmmm

Wordless Wendsday

pretty shiney...ohhhhh

If I was on a desert island and I could only bring two things I would bring a solar powerd water proof satalite phone...and mascara.

i love mascara.

sooo much!

When I was 38 weeks pregnant I was packing my bag for the birthing center. I didn't want to over pack and since I knew I was coming home 6 hours after giving birth...I didn't pack more than a change of clothes deoderant and a hairbrush (for myself)

When my water broke and we started out for the center i forgot to grab my purse...which held my mascara. 4 hours before I deliverd our daughter...I sent david to the store...to get me some mascara.

I know...Im crazy

Lonely...oh so lonely

i miss my husband...like seriously. He isn't gone...just at work. I wish he did not have to work nights. I miss him once the sun goes down...ahhh who am I trying to fool...i am scared when the sun goes down. By all of the what ifs.

yup...me....pysco! lol