Saying Good-bye

They say the past should be left in the past. I agree. But it's hard. I still have a lot of emotional scares and pain from my past relationships. And today I took a big step in letting them go. I deleted and blocked them from facebook. I have to say good-bye or myself and for my sanity.

I have tried this before but the problem is I still have friends that also are still friends with my ex'es. kinda hard to forget when they keep being brought up. So today I announced that no one was to talk to me about them. If i bring them up then people are to change the subject. i will get them out of my lie for good.

my favorite moments...

Rocking her to sleep. I don't do it a lot anymore. since she has been in her toddler bed (december) I have done it maybe 5 times. But I still love it. It's because of her hands. tiny. delicete. her fingers gently strocking her blankie or playing wih my hair.

I want to cry about how big she is now. year ago she had no hair and couldn't crawl. now she has a full head of hair and is running jumping clmbing all over the place.

In part I think that is why I want another baby so badly. I miss it. want to have the snuggles and the new baby smell.

of course this time s diffrent. with a toddler in toe!

Ketchup's a veggie...right?

So way back when penny was nothing more than a second line on a pregnancy test...I began (in my mommy excitment)to play the never will I ever game.

And it seems the older she gets the harder it is to keep those never's as never's

three in particular are coming up now.

Never will I ever feed my kid cheap boxed mac n cheese or chicken nuggets unless it's a birthday...and then not until she is 10

She had Chicken nuggets for lunch...with apples and milk...so I balanced it.


Never Will I ever Allow my child to run around in just a diaper.

ok so this one still stands...but only because She can take her diaper off if she isn't wearing pants...

Never will I ever serve my toddler a meal without veggies...

see above lunch menu for the day...but....she also had ketchup...that counts as a veggies right...RIGHT!?!?

Franky the longer I am a mommy and the more I get used to it the easier this stuff is getting. The less I feel like a bad mom. The less I feel like a failer for not being perfect...because I know I am a good mom...and thats enough.

Book Review! a Place Called Blessing.

Well this week I recived a new Biik. A Place called Blessing by John Trent

When picked this biik I was really excited. O have not yet read The blessong but I have heard about it. I also mistankenly thought this was a true story.

But that was my fault.

I will be frank. I was dissapointed.

It was a short read which is fine but I didn't get any lesson from it abiut the Blessing until after the story and during the study guide.

The begining read well and belivable. Working with kids inn the system I could tell the author had experience as a child being in the system.

but thats where it ended.

I couldn't help but feel like I was reading a script for a Hallmark movie.

It was predictable and pretty mediocore. Withe the exception if Anna I didn't feel conected to any of the characters and Josh got on my last nerve. Mike was a nice change until he got all "over protective older brother" about josh dating his cousin.

I wouldn't recomend this to someone as just a great read but it did have it's moments. I think in a group reading setting and in conjuction with Reading the Blessing it wiuld be fine though.

I recived this book free of charge from book sneeze and the in no way influenced my revie. These are opinions are entirly my own.

Father's day...a day late...

I know...bad blogger. I should have done this yesterday...but I was kinda busy. and i didn't know exactly what or how I wanted to approach this subject in my blog.

I mean father's day in our house honor's so many fathers.

1) D. My husband. Penny's daddy. Our rock. The man who makes the weekends awsome just because he is here...all day.

2) David's dad. Penny's grandfather. my father in law. A man who is like The Godfather, Mic Jagger, Julia Child's and a Gummy Bear all rolled into one.
He raised david from the time he was 4 and taught him about life. He taught me how to make the best red sauce from scratch.

3) My bio-dad. Kenny the great white hunter. I am more like him than anyone else. He taught me how a man should treat his wife and children. Never the absentee dad even though my parents were divorced. He took me on daddy-daughter dates and while i did not share is love of hunting (that would be my older sister)He loved me for all that I was. My sarcasm and quick wit. My love of reading and movies and writing. and in just a few weeks I will be helping him set up a blog :)

4)My step-dad. A man who married a woman with 2 little girls...and has never made me feel like anything other than his daughter. Who nurterd my faith and put up with more angsty teenage girl fits than anyone i know.


and last but not least.

D's bio-dad. he was absent from D's life from the age of 2 on. the last time d saw him was when he was 5. he died when d was 14 but unfortunantly d didn't know till he was 18. but he was 1/2 of the "creative team" that made david. and for that...I am thankful. Without him...D would not be here...neither for that matter...would penny.


So to all of the dad's out there..Thank you...I Love you :)

I feel so stabby lately

and by stabby I mean cranky...twords everything and everyone. my husband my kid my riends my life. Trying to concive is a big one. everyone is having babies or getting pregnant...but not me. multiple losses and stuggles are not made better by the constante barage of "just relax it will happen" or "have sex upside down doggie style while eating lemons and playiing the ukelale...we got pregnant on the first try doing that.

*sigh* january I was pregnant...febuary i wasn't april I was pregnant...may I wasnt...

it's like a horrible version of he loves me he loves me not.

im currently in not mode...when if things were diffrent i would be in pregnant mode...like 5 months.

i think of what i would be doing. I would be stocking up on things like diapers and blankets. clearing out space in penny's room for the new baby. setteling on a name. possibly knowing the sex. laughinig if it is anohter girl because she is fully clothed...crackin g up hystericly if it was a boy because he would have nothing thus far!

and I would be due in sept. my countdown would have begun. 3 more months and I would have a floppy wrinkly newborn. we would be parents of two kiddos. penny would be a big sister.

She is goign to love being a big sis...she loves babies.

Baking.mmmmmmmm

I'm making amish friendship bread...with chocolate intead of cinnimon

nom NOOOM

My family teases me now because of the baking i do. Growing up the last thing my family would have pictured me doing would be staying home with my kids and getting excited over baking. They thought I would be off trying to make myself famous in new york and more worried about shoes than things like natural bug spray for my vegtable garden and making tutu's.

The truth is...I never pictured this being where I ended up as well.

If you had told me ten years ago I would have a beautiful daughter an amazing husband and that we would be trying again for another baby...i would have laughed my but off. I knew i wanted kiddos...but not until I had dominated the stage for at least 10 years.

I love my life. I wouldn't change it...not even a little bit.