Wow God...aren't you the comedian....

3 cousins pregnant. One with twins. and my ute is still empty. This is the thought going through my head for the past 3 weeks. A saddness lingering in my heart. Then something happend to turn it all around. Penny went to my parents house for the weekend and D and I had an amazing time. We went out to eat and had a wonderful meal. There was a toddler at the table behind us that was squeeling with glee and then would change it up to shreiks of NO! the other patrons were shooting angry looks at the parents. D and I just smiled. We have been there. We then went to the mall. D got a really nice new leather jacket. he has never had one. It was more expensive than any peice of clothing he has ever owned let alone actually bought or himself. But he loves it.And he deserves it. I got a Niice new pair of running shoes. We also went in the disney store and looking around at all the toys and dress up clothes...we wanted to get something for Penny. We didn't though. We decided to bring her with us oone weekend and let her pick something out on her own. But we had a wonderful amazing weekend...alone. And I realized that if we have another baby we might not get that again for a while. So in short last night I made peice with not being pregnant yet. This morning when I was getting my coffe I realized that "Aunt Flow" was supposed to show up on friday or saturday. hmmm. We will see how this plays out.

The one about potty training.

Penny is two now...TWO! Holy Shit! We decided a long time ago that 2 was the magic age... By two our goals were (in no specific order) no more passie no more bottles Start potty training (finished by 3) Yeah lofty goals lol. Luckiky for us the bottles were done at 15 months. Not because we were yankng them from her little hands but because once we introduced a sippy cup...she had eyes only for those. Even her night bottle was just given up. and the passie...yeah that was gone as soon as she found her thunb. *sigh* not sure what in the heck we will do about the thumb or when. Potty trainiing yeah that started about 4 months ago. She started taking her diaper off and ponting to the bathroom. That was our cue right!?!? She did great. We even had her in panties at night...it lasted 4 weeks. 4 weeks of patting myself on the back and wakling ariund with my "I'm an AWSOEME MOM and my chikd is superior!" face. Annnd then it stopped. rewards pfffttt. she could care less. Walking around nakky with a potty seat within easy accsess? yeah didnt matter. S we were back to diapers... Well she is two now. And when we originally decided to start PT. So here we go. We are doing the Week at home...thing. no more buyign diapers. Her last pack was bought this week. Im scared it wont work. and im scared it will. the diapers were the last of the "baby" things. my little girl is just that...a little girl. not a baby anymore.

Three Cups_A book review~!

I know I know...2 in one day!!

Three Cups By Toney Townsley and Mark St. Germain. Illustrations by April Willey Give, Save, And Spend. On his 5 birthday a young boy gets a gift of a lifetime. The gift of adventure. The gift of love. Beautifully illustrated and well written this book helps both parents and children understand the importance of saving, giving and spending wisely. Although reluctant at first the gift proves a wonderful lesson throughout his life. Complete with a parent’s guide on how to teach this lesson to our own little ones I have to be honest here...I am terrible when it comes to money…HORRIBLE. My husband is the total opposite thank goodness. BUT I don’t want my daughter to struggle with money management. And while she is still a little young for this book at two years old I can use it to help set up a good foundation for learning about money. I love the parents’ guide and I love that it specifically includes a giving cup. Even if we were not religious I would still want her raised knowing she should give back. I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Book Review Sunday!!!

hello and HAPPY NEW YEAR my faithful readers! As you can see today is book review day! Now I am really excited about this review for two reasons. 1) this bok was a great read and I had a lot of fun writing a review for it. And 2) This willbe the last of the books I have to waight for. Yes people...this christmas...I got...A KINDLE!!!! so...on With the review... Real Marriage The truth about sex, friendship, and life together By Mark and Grace Driscole Have you ever felt alone sitting next to your spouse? Do you have questions about sex in your marriage that you are embarrassed to ask? How do you begin the process of healing in your relationship? All of these questions are addressed in Real Marriage. Co-Written by husband and wife, Mark and Grace Driscole this book is a very helpful tool in marriage. Questions “like is oral sex ok?” are not just answered but actually explained and biblical references are given. Fidelity, Friendship, and ways to help solve conflicts in your marriage in an open and loving way with real life examples are given. I think it’s pretty clear that reading this book was great! I am very happy in my marriage and I originally ordered the book for one reason…the sex questions (yes I know…that’s bad) I was not disappointed by the answers and was very happy with the way the layout of the book was. Giving the question and then answering it in three parts…from a legal moral and biblical standpoint. But you know what was even better? The rest of the book, the openness and honesty of the Authors. The Scripture references, the resources. I still am in love with my hubby and I still feel we have a great marriage but now I feel we have the tools to make it that much better! I would defiantly recommend this (and will in fact be using it as a giveaway at my mommy group) Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

her it comes...there it goes...

in exactly two weeks (and I do mean exactly down to the minute) I will have a two year old. *sigh* not sure yet how I feel about it. I am loving the stage she is in right now. she tells me things in her sweet little baby babble voice and more and more the babble is being replaced by words and sentences. I know I will miss this. sitting on my lap and reading me a story (with the book upside down because that is how smart my child is) and while when I read her the pokey little puppy it's about a well pokey little puppy...when she reads it...the little puppy isn't so much pokey...but a master of destruction (or at least I think thats the message she is trying to convey) When she is tryinig to help me sweep the kitchen or helping me cook dinner. I think back to last year. When she had soft downy short baby hair. Before she started even walking. when her words werre mama and dada and before her teeth all came in. and I miss that to. watching her learn everything. seeing things through her...a bird was something amazing the ducks were strange awsome alien creatures. and then I think of two years ago. her peachy soft new baby skin. her downy infant hair. the new baby smell. How warm she was when the midwife put her on my chest. the first moment we looked into each others eyes. how much I loved her. cuddling in bed just me and baby and D. a quiet happy family. I really really miss that. parenting hasn't all been puppies and rainbows but I choose to follow the sun and not the storm clouds.

What would jesus do?

I wish I had a super awsome close relationship with my sisters. My little sis and I have that. she is great. My older sister...is like a sea of jellyfish...you will get stung. I wish I could just tell her to stop being a biotch...but I can't. When we were younger I was hateful. I know that. I have spent the better part of the last ten years trying to make up for it. I have apologized over and over again. I have worked to make a good relatinship between us. and just when I feel like progress is being made. *BAM* it is the classic case of 2 steps forward and 10 steps back, although in our case it's more like a mile and a half back. I want to be the adult and just let it go. pretend everythign is fine. but how do you do that when the other person wont. Is it even worth trying to keep the relationshp going? I want her to have a relationship with penny but I am no longer comfortable with her negative attitude or her lack of respecct for anyone in our family. Am i a bad mom if I wnat too cut her off from my kid? Should I suck it up? Should i give her ground rules and tell her if she breaks them this is the consoquence? ghah~!!

Staying busy and being thankful.

I love december. Christmas is absolutly my favorite holiday. But about 4 years ago...I hated it. 3 years ago I cried almost the whole day. 2 years ago my heart was heavy...but also light....and last year...was wthout a doubt my favorite christmas yet. You see four years ago...I was pregnant. Single. Lost. Broke. I had gotten pregnent by searching for "love" the only way I could think of. with sex. I had been so beaten down and made to feel so worthless by the big EX that I just didn't think that a guy wuld really love me if he got to know me. And why would he even want to take the time t get to know me anyway? I was no angelina jolie I'll tell ya that. and then all of a sudden I was pregnant. Not with one but with TWO babies. At first I thought that maybe their father would be the guy to love me. but alas...he wasn't. And I was getting used to the thought of being a single mom and having to put up with this tool for the rest of my life. I had settled into the feelings of head over heals love for my little ones. Then on christmas morning...things started to hurt. Just a slight ramp at first...and then light spotting. by dinner time I was not able to pretend any longer. Something was wrong. My parents and little sister had left that afternoon to go visit my grandfather and i stupidly had not said anythiing. I was alone in this. When they told me there was only one heartbeat...my heart started to break. I laid awake all night will they mniterd me asking for God to PLEASE keep my other baby safe. by the next morning it was over. they were both gone. The next christmas I was with D. He proposed to me n chistmas night. And while I was so in love and beyond overjoyed...my babies were still on my mind. I hide in the bathroom throut the day to cry for them. And the christmas affter that...well was 8 months pregnant. feeling my little girl move around and knowing I was going to be holding her soon was so exiting but in the back of my head my lost little ones were NEVER that far away. every quick little mvement. Every tumble every hiccup I felt...I cherished. And well...Last christmas...I had and almost oone year old. Watching her open her gifts and squeal with delight at her new toys and clthes (yes clothes...she LOVES clothes!) was amazing! And this yeart will be even better! (beccause this year D has a job!) BUT my angel babies,,,are still there. in the ornament that D got for me to remember them with on our tree. on my original due date. on the night of my miscarriage and when ever I hear my daughter laugh. I know they are with me in my heart. but the thing is...my heart doesn't hurt that much anymore.