Tuesday, January 4, 2011

New year...better year!

I won't lie...I was kinda sorta in l;ove with 2010. until the end of september that is.

D's job loss and depression and our finacial woes were very difficult.

And we are still struggaling. He has a job now which is AWSOME! but the pay cut is a lot. and we worry about the hours he will be getting. will it be enough to make our bills.

I feel so helpless. I want to bring in money to help ease the burden. But I feel stuck.

If I get a job then p goes into daycare. Let me just explain that I in NO WAY am a daycare hater...at all. I worked in daycare/preschool for years and I loved it and miss it a lot. but the fact is it is expensive. If i get a job then it would have to be one that pays for her childcare...which in our area...would very likely eat up my entire paycheck.

So that is the problem. do I work to pay for daycare use gas in the car and bring in baisiclly no income?

D has been great though. every day he tells me how much he appreciates me being a stay at home mom. how much of a help i am and how he loves never having to worry about p while he is at work because he knows she is with me and that I am taking care of her.

but it doesn't stop the guilt i feel.

To add more stress my older sis is now living wit my mom. She just recently announced to us that she has been having suicidel thoughts. She is now on meds and seeing a therapist.

but she is also very hard to live with. we her family are unsupportive, uncaring, and apparently the source of her depression.

but her bff is the best ever as is HER family.

I wonder if they would be so caring and wonderful if she lived with them and didn';t pay rent or help out around the house and spent money like it was going out of style...I doubt it.

I hope 2011 will be a better year than the last 4 months of 2010