no again? NOT AGAIN!

Another freaking miscarriage. and I keep asking myself why? WHY?!?!?

*sigh* maybe we just need to stop. for now. maybe we are not ready.

but we are. we know we are we feel ready.

and it happens again and again and again.

It just sucks. I feel like a little bit of me gets chipped away each and everytime.

I can't enjoy pregnancy or posostive test anymore. because I will think...ehhh Im pregnant...for now. Don't get used to it.

Why is it so hard.

and then there are the stupid comments. I didn't tell anyone this time because I wanted to avoid them "just in case"

"God has a reason for everything"
"there was probably something wrong with the baby"
"at least you already have a child"
"at least you were only 6 weeks along and not farther down"

it doesn't matter how far along i was. the bottom line is I wasn't pregnant long enough to be not pregnant anymore.

I know god has a plan...just wish i knew what it was

Knitting Knee-Highs

I love knitting...but thus far I have not succeded in making more than a small baby blanket.

Knit one pearl two.

So imagine my excitment when on book sneeze about a week ago I saw a new book..Knitting knee-highs.

a book on how to knit socks...awsome cool knee high socks...and leg warmers FREAKING LEG WARMERS!!!

I had imagies in my head of knitting awsome socks for me and my friends. I pictured my daughter and i sporting matching leg warmers.

after reciving the book I realized...it was not yet ment to be. While the patterns are awsome...it is definantly a book for those who are more intermediete with knittng.

It is not for beginners. i repet NOT FOR BEGINNERS!

the illustrations are great and Barb Brown did a great job explaining sizes and showing how to easily convert sock patterns.

I still look forward to making all of the socks in this book...it just might take a little longer than i thought.

just say no to the tie on bikini!!!

I have said it before and I will say it again...love warm weather...love swimmng...hate bathing suits...HATE THEM!

I am lucky though that I have 1 swimsuit that I love. It hides things that should be hidden and my boobs fit perfectly.

unfortunantly...I left it at my mother in laws house last weekend (note to self..call debbie so I can get my swimsuit back before john decides to use it as a super hero cape)

anyway back to the problem...penny had a swimming lesson today. and as I have to get in the pool with them...I was left in a conudrum...what the heck do I wear.

Now i have a bathing suit top which is jokingly marked as a size extra large...yeah right. But I had to wear something sooo the top and shorts...oh yeah people..I looked hot...HAWT!

Go ahead...I can wait til the laughter dies down....

ok so back to the story...there i was looking as hot as this guy







when penny (who did really well her first lesson) went crazy....Bat.Shit.Crazy.

not sure what triggerd it.

and what did she do...she grabbed for mommy of course. mommy her protector. mommy the one who bats away the evil luv bugs and alows her to eat dirt and smells her stinky feet everyday. Mommy who was wearing a tie on bikini top that was struggaling to hold it all in...

I am not sure which more embaressing...the fact that i was topless...in front of God and everyone...or that before I could stuff them back into my top and tie it...penny started batting at them like a cat swatchs at toy on a string

*sigh*

Bronte...she's a bit...wordy.

I love reading..loooove it! It's not just the act of reading either or the stories (although they are a big part of it) It's the smell or the paper and the feel of turning the pages.

and as much as I love reading I realized I have a list of classics I have never touched. I own them but have never read them in all my 27 years.

So here is my 6 month list

1)Wuthering Heights (I just started this one last night)

2) Jane Eyre

3)Pride and Prejudice

4)Sense and Sensability

5) Emma

6) The Hobbit

7)The Lord of the rings trilogy 9yeah I know this is three seperat books but I lump them all together as I know I will be reading them back to back...plus my copy is all three in one book)

so there it is. my 6 month list.

I did just start wuthering heights last night but I am having trouble getting into it. I have only read 1 chapter thus far (as opposed to the 3-4 chapters i normally try to read a night.) but in my defense i was exsausted. penny has been sick for 3 days and while I normally keep up the house during the day...with her being sick she has also been ultra clingy and not sleeping soundly. That may have some thing to do with it.

The first rule about TU-TU club is...

YOU DON"T TALK ABOUT TU-TU CLUB!!

ok so now that i have that out of my system...her we go with easy peasy no sew tutu's!

So the first thing you will need to do is measure the person you are making it for. Remember to make it maybe an inch bigger because once you add the tulle it will be thicker.

Ok now that you have measured it's time for the supplies.

an elastic band or if you want to be really no sew you can use an elastic head-band :)

So you have your elastic band all cut and ready to go?




Great! So hear comes the only sewing. just a simple backstitch to made the band...like this







ok so hear comes my least favorite part...no serioously...it is tedious. And if you have little ones...impossible unless they are asleep.



See what I mean


Cutting the tule. The bigger the tutu the more tule. and it is easy to snag and it gets everywhere...plus we are not talking about the easiest fabric to handle...half the time it ends up like this






Anyway back to cutting...it is a long tediuous process...you want 16 in strips. Once it's has been cut (and if you are using multiple colorsI would advise keeping them all in diffrent piles...white and pink look just alike until you mess up )




now this next step while not as tedious does take awile. the great thing is you can very quickly and easily get into a rhythm and do this while watching Glee or Supernanny or any of your favorite television shows or movie.

So take a strip of tule (or if you like me by the end of the cutting process you refer to it as Devil fabric!) fold it in half like this



and tie it on the waistband. it should look like this...



after about ten you need to scrunch them together like this...




And you continue to do it until no more tule (devil fabric) fit's.


take a look at yout tutu and trim it up if need be...then sit back relax and have a glass of wine because congrats...you have now made an adorable tutu!!

In front of god and everyone...a book review.

I initially choose this book because of the title. In front of God and everyone is one of my favorite sayings. Something my grandmother used to say. Imagine my delight when I see that the whole thing takes place in arkansas!! fyi...that would be where my family is from:)

From the first chapter where april grace relives a situation that is both embarassing and sad you get sucked in. Takeing place in the summer of 1986 in arkansas April's honesty and funny quips remind us to look at life through the eyes of innocence. I was surprised that the little girl is actually 7 when the book starts out (as the picture on the cover shows a girl much older) but soon forgot that. This is a great book for any book worms that would love a lighthearted and heartfelt read.

I recieved this book by participating in Book sneeze nd the company and publisher in no way influenced my opinion of this book.

My favorite time of day.

When I first wake up...which is strange as i am so not a morning person.

But there is a peace and calm when I first wake up. I sit on my porch and have my morning coffee and watch the world wake up. I am able to just enjoy the peace.

You maybe wondering why i don't get this peace at night after penny goes to sleep.

Well the answer is I do...somewhat.

But while there is that quiet peace at night I am also finishing up my cleaning for the day taking a shower and baisiclly just kind of shutting down for the night.

I am also listening out for penny in case she wakes up.

but in the morning it's diffrent.

I am refreshed and hopefull. Looking at a day full of possibilitys. and waiting for the moment when my best little girlfriend wakes up and we can have our breakfast together :)

Daddy Dates.

when I was younger my dad and I would go on what we called daddy-daughter dates. we would usually go see a movie and then to the village inn for pie.

my parents were divorced and my older sister had a special bod with my dad because they both loved hunting.

I did not.

I loved barbies and lipgloss...and movies.

It was a special time for dad and I and to this day I am so happy we had those times together. I hope D and Penny get to do that to.

A few days ago I got a new book from Booksneeze in the mail called daddy dates.

1 man 4 daughters.

EVRY DAD SHOULD READ THIS BOOK!

Sometimes I don't think guys realize the impact the relationship they have with their daughters has.

Greg wright is able to hit the nail on the head with pretty much every chapter and his humor makes the book an easy read.

10/10!

Confessions...

nothing to scandalous. Truthfully there was a time where i could make a confession that would make you grab your pearls place your hand on your forhead and gracefully pass out. But that was about 4 years ago...and times...they are a-changing.

Confession one. i am not a great housekepper. but I am not horrible either. unfortunantly D is very anal when it comes to cleaning...what I see as clean is diffrent from what he see's as clean. It has taken 3 years for us to come to a happy medium. I have learned to properly wash the dishes and he has learned that if he can't take a piss without hiting the toilet seat then I can't clean it...

Confession two. I have slacked off on trying activly to lose weight. I have lost about 40 pounds in the time since penny was born...but I still have about 40 more to lose before i am at a healthy weight.

Confession three.because of the weight issue, my recent loss, my struggle with ppd...I am scared of getting pregnant. This is the month we will activly start trying to concieve baby number 2 (yes rebecahhhh...I am announcing that D and I will be bumping uglies! lol) but I am terrified...so scared. I want another baby...but for the past week I have been wondering if it is the right time.

Confession four. I want a change. nothing major. just something like a new haircut or hair color. as far as the hair color goes my head breaks out so bad when I dye my hair so thats a no go...as far as cutting it I am trying to figure out what cut would look best on me....

and there it is...my confessions for the month! and yeah no book reviews! lol(j/k actually I love doing the book reviews but i don't want to make it something I write about more than anythign...that would get boring)

The scariest part...

So it's official. We are coming out of the closet and announcing that we are trying for baby number two (so now you all know...we are having sex) I won't bore you with the details of my charting escapades (because who wants to really hear about my cervical mucus and luteral cycles)

But i will say this...pregnancy after a loss...is terrifying.

My first pregnnacy while wrot with drama from the baby daddy was exciting and happy and wonderful...until it wasn't anymore and i was left with a feeling of emptiness.

Penny's pregnancy while a model picture perfect pregnancy had me on edge until 14 weeks becacus ei was officially in the 2nd tri and misscarriage risk were down...and I relaxed. Until at 22 weeks a fellow bumpie who shared my due date went itno pre term labor and lost her beautiful angel.

que the panic until 37 weeks when I began to breath again...but only for two more weeks because by then I had my daughter :)

The last pregnancy ended at 7 1/2 weeks. So in my mind I am hopeful but also scared. I never ever want to go through a loss again. could it happen? yes. but i must stop focusing on that.

The Lightkeepers ball

You know what I love...mysteries. You know what I hate...when said mysteries storyline gets all delayed because of cheesy sex scenes...which is why...my review for The Lightkeepers Ball...is a good solid 10

I have never read any books by Colleen Coble and when I saw she had a series based somewhat on lighthouses I got excited! This book has everything I enjoy: mystery, romance, and suspense. The characters are likable, understandable, and I can relate to them. Because it is Christian fiction I didn’t have to deal with censoring scenes in the book that slow down the action. I also wasn't rolling my eyes at the cheesy languge.

It had a great surprise ending which I enjoy and appreciate in a book!

my only issue is that I didn't know it was a series and that this is in fact the third one...which totally offsets my balance!

Max on life!!

Ok so yes this is a book review ( I know 2 in less than a week...crazy!) But seriously this book is amazing!

Max on Life is by Max Lucado whom I have always been a fan of.

As a christian writer and preacher this book is set up like a Q & A session at church. But the questions are ones I have asked myself at least once in my lifetime and the answers are so well written that I can actually understand them.

I love how it is set up and it can be used as a devotional during quiet time as well as a refrence book. The sections are seperated nicely and it is easy to find the answers or questions you are looking for.

It was a very easy read. I recived the book and read it in 1 day! I would recommend this book to pretty much anyone who has these faith based questions on everything from finances to sex to relationships to the church and faith itself!