Happiness is being together when days are through...

The breast is best...

Now if you read my blog (or at least...you know...the title) You would probably deduce I have nice cleavge.

and I think I do.

You know why I like them...because they are versitile.

Part sexy. Part useful

I breastfeed. and I love it (I didn't at first but that is a whhhole other post)

I have feed my daughter in lots of places including in public.

And I have to say my peace on NIP


A lot of women who nurse in public do it descretly. Thats fine. a lot of them don't. Thats fine to. do what is right for your family.

But my biggest pet peeve are the nursing women who dislike nursing rooms with a passion.

here is a good example.

We went to sea world yesterday. Penny got hungry. We were within 15 feet of a nursing room and 10 feet of a bench.

it was 97 degree's and muggy.

There was a woman nursing on the bench (which was in the sun and in the middle of a playground area)

I turned to D and said "babe im going to go nurse her in the nursing room ok?"

bench lady...gave me a dirty look and said "you know you can nurse out here! women like you are the reason NIP is frowned upon!"

Excuse me!?!? Now i couold write out a whole paragraph about how this made me feel but instead I will simply write out my response.

"It's 97 degrees out here she doesn't eat if she get's distracted and the room has A/C and rocking chairs. sorry but our comfort right now trumps making a statement."

I mean are you kidding me? Did I mention it was 97 effing degrees?!?!?!

I really wish mom's would stop waging war on each other and just accept that everyone is diffrent and doing the best they can for their family.

Because you can't pick your ex-family members

OK so in yesterday's post I mentioned my Ex-Mil.
She gave me a trash can full of cleaning supplies for Christmas with a passive aggressive note about the state of my home.

...whore...

I will say that although my divorce was devastating for me...I literally wanted to do cartwheels out of the courtroom because I knew I would NEVER have to see, speak, listen to this woman again.

Yesterday D and I went to sea world with penny. and who should we see?

...you get three guesses...

the first 2 don't count.

as soon as I laid eyes on her I tried to hide..like seriously. We were in a gift shop and I was holding the baby. I saw her by the registers and literally ducked underneath a rack of clothing. Penny thought it was a game...D thought i had lost my effing mind.

An d it was all for nothing because the dragon lady saw me.


And walked over with a big fake smile and a streak of red lipstick on her teeth (srsly in the 5 years I was with her son...she always had lipstick on her teeth...always)


Her: Welll loook at you! I heard you got married and had a baby but i didn't know you were pregnant again!

(bitch...I have lost 45 pounds since penn was born...I'm not pregnant)

Me: aw nope not pregnant just need to lose the last little bit of baby weight. You know how hard that is.

Her:hm mm well she looks nothing like you...she's beautiful.
(grrr)

Me: yes well you know what they say girls who look like their dads are always beautiful.

Her: So where is your husband? (hmmm perhaps it could be the tall blond guy standing next me pushing the stroller. *eye roll*)

Me: oh I'm sorry this is...

(At this point she cuts me off)

Her: oh why don't you let me hold her for a minute. since I will never be a grandma...you know I can't understand why you couldn't do this before you got divorced.

(because that would require sex...which your son didn't want...he wanted a vagina...deal with it)

*tries to grab at penny...penny screams....hehehe.*

Me: oh I'm sorry...I guess she is just a little tired. so how's K(the ex) doing? Did she get her sexual reassignment surgery yet?

(yes my ex is transgender)

Her: Oh um no. But He..I mean she is dating someone...I guess.


and then she walked away.

Now lets get one thing straight. I have no love lost for my ex...and her being transgender has nothing to do with it.

And I really have no love lost for my ex mil...her being a bitch has EVERYTHING to do with it.

But she is a mom and I know the whole transgender thing bothers her...as does the no grand kids. I do feel a little (and I mean a veeeeerrrrryyyyy little) bit sorry for her.

But she is still the mil equivalent of Godzilla...just saying.

My love affair...and why I will not stop.

Cloth Diapering...I loves it!

But i will be honest..i was very on the fence about it. Pregnancy months 2 (because thats when I knew I was knocked the eff up) through 6...I was so all about CD'ing.

months 7-8 I was rethinking it...I mean sposies would be sooo much easier. months 8-9 I was to busy handcuffing myself to the kitchen stove to give a hoot. and as you all know from yesterdays post...my first 4 months post partum...I was dealing with extreme PPD.

But at the end of month 4 (when I had started getting help) I began to rethink my stance on cloth diapers.

I really loved the look and feel of them. I loved the thought of not running out. and I hated my diaper pail full of sposies. HATED IT!

The funny thing about the diaper pail is it wasn't really ment for diapers.

It was a trash can given to me by my ex mother in law.

Yes...the woman gave me an effing trash can one year for christmas...when I opend it and looked in side it was full of cleaning stuff.

and there was a note *Maybe this will help you keep the condo a little cleaner.*

...bitch.

Actually...maybe if your son wasn't such a lazy slobby asshole...I could keep the condo a little cleaner...just sayin.

anyway back to the original reason for the post.

So at 5 months i started cloth diapers. just at night (we wanted to try them out first)

know what...it took us 2 days to fall in love and 1 week to choose the ones we wanted.

If we have another baby...we will cloth diaper from the begining.

And no one can convince me to do otherwise!

p.s.I threw out the stupid diaper pail/trash can...it felt wonderful!

I don't like talking about my flair...I just don't.

So before I begin I do need to put a few things out there.

About 2 years before i got pregnant with penny I was pregnant with a set of twins. boys. I lost them both at 20 weeks. I was devestated. But I was also in my most secret heart of hearts...relived. I was single. And the "baby daddy" was...well he had the mentality of a 2 year old and 3 kids already scatterd throughout the U.S.A. That he never saw and didn't pay child support on. I was stupid and reckless.

So fast forward to me being pregnant with penn. I was in my 2nd tri and had just reached 24 weeks when one of my fellow bumpies (who was about 3 weeks behind me) went into pre-term labor and lost her son. I must have cried everyday for 3 weeks straight for her.

fast forward a little bit more and I am in labor (and it was a pretty quick an easy labor at that)i give birth to my beautiful daughter.



Aww see look at the happy family. Happy baby Happy daddy Happy mommy.

*sound of screaching tires on pavement*

Mommy was not nearly as happy as one would belive her to be.

after my family left my husband went to get us something to eat and the midwives left me alone to rest with her.

All i wanted to do was sleep. I didn't want to curl up around her because it was hot as hell in the birthing room (I know it was to keep her warm)and I just wanted to rip the blankets they had covering me off and splay out on the bed and sleep.

But thats normal right? I mean I just went through labor.

A week later D had to go back to work. I cried so hard. I didn't want to be left alone with her all day. I didn't know what I was doing!!!

A month later I began daydreaming about the most awful things happening to her.
But they didn't make me sad or scared. I knew something was wrong. Normal women did not imagine their infants drowning in the tub or falling out of their arms over the railing with out crying or feeling awful.

I thought back to my loss. The loss of friends and family. How dare I not be grateful! I didn't deserve my daughter my husband or my life.

The first (and last) time I ever in my life attempted to kill myself...was when penny was 6 weeks old.

Obviously I didn't. I won't go into what happend as it is hard enough writing most of this out.

I got the help I should have gotten in the begining.

Everyday I pray for others to do the same. No one should have to deal with that kind of pain alone. no one

Happiness is...sea creatures

I can not even begine to explain how much I love being able to go to sea world whenever I want...thank you florida fun pass!

Blog hop tuesday...the handcuff story.

Last November I accidently handcuffed my self to my kitchen stove.

I will give you a minute to let that sink in.

are we good? Ok...so here's the story.


Last November I was pregnant...hugely pregnant...for the sake of my readers here is a visual



Now D and i have alwasy had a great physical relationship and with the exception of one time when i ripped ass in the middle of sex...up till this point..it hadn't gotten dull.

But at 8 months pregnant...I was not feeling my sexiest and the only position we could comfortably use was doggy style...which lets face it...made me feel even less appaeling. Plus I was just plain uncomfortable.

I knew it botherd D but to his credit...he never complained and totally understood.

On the night in question I decided that since we would be very soon brand new parents of an infant to try and spice things up. (we of course had his neice and nephews at this point...but they were at grandma's)

I knew it was an early night for him and he would be home from work by eleven at the latest.

So I cooked a romantic dinner busted out the candle sticks and made a picnic set up in our living room.

And to make things more fun...I got my handcuffs out.

And since I had not used them in a while i had to make sure the key still worked...right?!?!

Now here is where I could blame my desision on pregnancy brain...but in all honesty...I would have probably done this pre=pregnancy to.

Instead of just cuffing one of the bracletes to my wrist and then unlocking it (because...you know that would make sense) I hand cuffed my self to the stove.

I don't know why.

I also don't know why I didn't think to grab the handcuff key that was sitting on the coffee table in the living room.

And remember how it was D's early night at work? yup...he endedd up staying 4 hours later.

I was 8 months pregnant...handcuffed to the stove...and because i was told to drink 5 million gallons of water a day...I had to pee.

Neccesity is the mother of invention...

I used a flower vase.

Needless to say D was surprised...and after laughing for 20 min. uncuffed me.

We had great sex the next night.




Welcome to the Tuesday Tornado Blog Hop!

We're a group of Bloggers wanting to branch out and find other blogs to read and follow. Interested? It's easy to join.

- Simply leave your name and url down below, and it will be added to the list.

- Follow the first 9 bloggers on the list. Be sure to leave a comment on their blog so they can follow you back.

- Add the blog hop button below to your sidebar or Tuesday post.

- Follow anyone else on the list you want – and feel free to follow others back.

Do you have to do this every week? Nope. Just as often as you want. But the more you post, the more followers you'll get. Active commenters and participants have a chance to be the featured blogger one week - meaning lots more visibility.

Each Tuesday we'll be doing a short theme. If you’d like to join in, next Tuesday we will be posting pictures of “Best Outfit Ever.” It could be real, sarcastic – your outfit or a celebrities. Let us know what you did by leaving a comment next week.

Have fun!
1. Diana @Hormonal Imbalances 20. Monkey Butt Junction
2. Chelsie @Forever&After 21. Janelle
3. Krista @ Not Mommy of the Year 22. The New Punken
4. Laura @Melodramamma 23. Tales of the Wife
5. Cindy @This Adventure Our Life 24. Emily
6. Metta @365 Days: 30 + Mommyhood 25. Gordon Casada
7. Alice @Life With Vivian 26. Natalie
8. LA @The Reel Life 27. Brynn
9. Amy @Rumble in the Kitchen 28. Jess
10. Belle's Butterfly Dreams 29. Angela
11. justine 30. Cristin
12. Katie 31. Sara
13. Angie 32. My Trendy Tykes
14. Goober Grape & Monkey Man 33. Ben and Carrie Tracks
15. Ms Diva 34. Michelle
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House of 1000 germs...

So a quick update...penny went to the doctor this morning (my appointment is later today)


She had a "slight" fever and ear infection. So she is on the medicine...and sleeping. funny I never would have guessed it was an ear infection. But i am glad she will be better soon.

I'm hoping I feel better soon to. I had to switch my dentist appointment...which didn't really break my heart...at all.

D has to go back to work today. So I anticipate a quiet day...

maybe. lol

Feeling just...blah...

Pen and I are sick. Neither of us wants to do anything but sleep and eat...a little. but barleey that. We both have doctors apointments on monday.

God i hope it's nothing serious and is just like a summer cold.

So apologizes for the brief blog update and lack of comments on the blogs of my readers.

I promise next blog update will be a fun filled adventure about cloth diapering, breastfeeding, church, sex, and sickness.

and fathers day.

and it's all one story...oh yeah...it's freaking epic.

till then...off to the sick bed

(D is on vaca this week and taking care of us...he is so getting major sexy time when I feel better...seriously)

I really doubt she whistled while she worked...

Snow White...growing up you actually made me belive that chores could be fun...YOU LIED.

I really don't think you ever had to clean up after a blender misshap

*note to self...make sure the blender lid is ALL the way on in the future*

Penny was helping me make baby food this morning

(and by helping I mean overseeing the process and throwing in her two sense...saucy little minx that she is)

I was laughing..and it was all fun and games...until I turned the blender on.

Squash went everywhere...and penny rolled her eyes.

Yes sweety mommy is that ditzy...

2 hours and a bath later we are all clean and I am this close *holds up finger and thumb inches apart*

to saying screeeewww this Im buying gerber!

happiness is playing together...

Ok so i was going to write a whole post today about my kitchen and why it makes me happy...but I have no pictures...so instead...

my dads house...and all the happiness that goes with it!




My dad lives on 10 acers of property...I love going out to visit them. It's peacful beautiful and just a nice get away from the city...with all of it's noise.

Another life adventure...

Have you ever met one of those people that you get a bad feeling about from the get go?

Not a feeling of ZOMG! BAD PERSON!

more like...ohhh...I don't know if we are going to get along.

I met one today.

She's a neighbor.

Penny and I were going for or walk (which by the way...do you know how to tell if it's to hot out? When your baby gets a raging case of swamp ass...yeah...but I digress)

While walking our neighbor spotted us. Usually she never says two words but today it was like *zoooom!* in 2 seconds in the heat of the day she made it to us from about a million feet away (ok so it was not a million..but when it's 99 degrees outside...yeah...it seemed like a million)

No hello, how are you, etc.

Just this.

Look I was wondering if maybe your husband would mind parking somewhere else from now on? I just started dating this guy and he always has to park all the way on the other side when he comes to see me and i don't want this to screw up our new romance.

*sigh*

ok

1) D gets home at about 3 in the morning. IF there is a spot open close to the building...he takes it.

2)Is your new boyfriends parking spot that important to your new budding romance? Reaally?

3)HAHAHAHA!

of course it was followed up with

and also your baby always wakes me up at 6:30 in the morning...can you do anything about that?

....ummmmm....

yup she wakes me up at 6:30 as well...silly 5 month old child with all of her obnoxious demands...like wanting to eat...and to have a clean diaper.

You know I don't want to be THAT parent that feels since I blew my vadge out bringign her into this world I should get a gold freaking star. And honestly I always worry that she is going to wake our neighbors in the morning.

But I am not exactly sure what this princess wanted me to do...put a muzzle on her?

even Penny gave her the side eye.

dear lord,
please let penny grow up to be a loving understanding woman...and not an entitled twit (and trust me..she is).

Thanks,
The Capt.

Before I sign off I would like to say heeeeey to my new followers and thanks for the comments...and just wait till you read the handcuff story next week.

toothache

and it's not from teething!

The filling fell out of my back tooth. I hate the dentist.

Like I would rather eat dirt.

But I have to go...next week.

*sigh* I need words of reassurance...

Just thinking about the sound of the drill makes me want to vomit!

Happiness is...

My garden.

Although these were taken before the shelvign was put up (I really need to get pictures of that)

Annyway this is yet another thing that brings me joy and happiness!

ETA. I just realized it's wordless wendsday...but this isn't wordless...so I guess im good! lol

The blog hop

I don't usually do "theme days" but this blog hop sounds fun...plus I need new reading material.

and when the theme is "handcuffs" weeeelll goodness graces how can one pass that one up?!?!

Of course after visiting the other blogs i have to say...my blog kinda sucks...seriouslly.

maybe someday I will be able to figure out how to have a purtiful blog.

Baisiclly what is going to happen is this



Welcome to the Tuesday Tornado Blog Hop! We're a group of Bloggers wanting to branch out and find other blogs to read and follow.



Interested? It's easy to join.



- Simply leave your name and url down below, and it will be added to the list.



- Follow the first 9 bloggers on the list. Be sure to leave a comment on their blog so they can follow you back.



- Add the blog hop button below to your sidebar or Tuesday post.



- Follow anyone else on the list you want.



Do you have to do this every week? Nope. Just as often as you want. But the more you post, the more followers you'll get. Active commenters and participants have a chance to be the featured blogger one week - meaning lots more visibility.



We'll have different themes in the weeks ahead to keep it fun - but always something simple and quick. We are all busy bloggers!



Next Tuesday we'll be doing a hot word theme. The word you can blog on that day is "Handcuffs." Examples: You can use it in a sentence, put your own definition on it, talk about your personal experience with them ;), whatever. Let us know what you did by leaving a comment next week when you link up.



The list is only open to join on Tuesdays, but all week long you can come back and link up to the new blogs.







When leaving a comment, try to leave a little personal love and then where you came from and your url if needed. It's no fun to read a comment that just says, "From Tuesday Tornado Blog Hop."



Oh, and thank you for linking up to us! We look forward to getting to know you!

1. hormonal-imbalances.com
2. foreverandafter.wordpress.com
3. www.notmommyoftheyear.com
4. www.melodramamma.com
5. www.thisadventureourlife.com
6. 365daysofbeing30andamommy.blogspot.com/
7. lifewithvivianlem.blogspot.com/
8. www.edwinjamesholman.blogspot.com/
9. rumbleinthekitchen.com/
10. angelaandpatrick.blogspot.com
11. www.justine0520.blogspot.com/
12. www.ithoughtilovedyouthen.blogspot.com
13. www.dearsydney.net
14. goobergrapemonkeyman.blogspot.com
15. www.knit1maxtoo.blogspot.com
16. www.sweetpeandmama.wordpress.com
17. www.papoe.typepad.com
18. 2muchtestosterone.blogspot.com/
19. jessesco.blogspot.com/
20. itsneverdone.blogspot.com/
21. www.lifelessseriously.wordpress.com
22. punken.com/?p=361
23. talesofthewife.blogspot.com
24. www.mrandmrseyecansee.blogspot.com
25. www.fishforpeace.com/fly-fishing-books/
26. dickeykids.blogspot.com
27. bshawfamily.blogspot.com/
28. thelittleblondegirl.blogspot.com
29. tiaras-and-trucks.blogspot.com/
30. santanaadventures.blogspot.com/
31. www.ninjapanza.blogspot.com
32. www.mytrendytykes.com
33. www.benandcarrietracks.blogspot.com
34. captaincleavagewarriorprincess.blogspot.com



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gosh i hope I did that right!

Mary mary quite contrary...how does your garden grow?

I love plants. always have!

my parents always had some sort of garden when I was growing up

My moms climbing roses, my dads veggie's, and my stepmoms green house all were reasons why I love the plant life.

And I have my own garden now.

Granted its a little harder being a gardener in an apartment but we have an awsome porch.

And on that porch...is my cacti garden.

D is putting up more shelves for me so I can start my herb garden...ZOMG! Can you imagine!??! fresh basil,oregeno,parsley...*swoon*

Now if only I can convince him...to let me grow tomatoes...

Daily happiness

I have decided to think of one thing everyday that makes me happy. And post it here to remind myself that there is happiness.

Now as you can see I am cheating...because D and Penn...make me the happiest. So i have to post them BOTH first :)

Because in my family....wild hogs count as pets.

I am from central Florida (as in Orlando)but my family hails from the backwoods of Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, and Georgia.

for the most part we are rednecks. My great grandmother, grandmother, and mother are all southern belles.

the men in my family...are all what is known as "good ole' boys".

But i love my family.

I love listening to my grandfather telling me the story of his grandaddy and how he died at the age of 35...after surviving the civil war...because on a dare he carried a barrel of molasses 30 feet...and had a brain aneurysm.

Or about my cousin "over in star city by the levee" (cause y'all...in Arkansas...we can't be bothered with..you know...addresses)Who actually saw a UFO "damn near as big as Dumas".

*shakes head in laughter*

I know some people would be embarrassed by this family. I think they are fabulous!

I worry about how much time penny will get to spend with my grandparents but in my family...we tend to be dying for 50 years...until we actually die...at age 98!

And the older we get the more fun we are.

And my dad...who is a hunter...has a pet hog...named Miss Kitty.

Because in my family...old yellow bulldogs and razorback pigs...are pets.

The shelter of my heart.

I have slaked on going to church in the past 10 years.

Truth be told I disliked getting up and going to church every sunday growing up. The main service was boring to me and seemed to drag on forever. But i loved sunday school and youth group and choir.

Choir and singing...always my favorite. Whenever we sang in church was when i felt close to God.

When I turned 18 and got my first job at disney....I stopped going to church. Because I had to work. Now I had an excuse! I mean shurly God wouldn't begrudge me going to work on sunday so someone else could have the day off to be with their family right?

Truth is...it was just an excuse. I married someone who was against the church and would have never set foot in one. and after the split when I lived with my mom...I went to church...sometimes.

David is catholic and I was raised baptist. When I was pregnent we decided to raise her catholic. After attending 1 mass I knew this was right.

I am excited about going to worship service now. not just for the singing but to hear the message. I WANT to read my bible and do daily devotions during the week and I am getting better about praying everyday.

I wonder sometimes if I had been taken to a catholic service when I was younger if I would have choosen to be catholic on my own.

For in this church I have found...

a shelter for my heart.

when it gets awkward

I am lucky. In so many ways. But i have to say i am luckiest in the way that I am, even after two years, still head over heels in love with my husband. Yes I know, It's only two years. But we were told...after six months the physical relationship will ebb. and then we were told after we got married our sex life would go dry. and then we were told after penny gets here...it would be dead.

None of that has happend. granted when we first started dating we would spend the weekend together in a hotel somewhere. And lets face it I love sex. Yes thats right I said it. love it more than shoes. And in D I have found my perfect partener.

Usually we are both in sync and all about the sexy time when ever we get the chance.

But soemtimes, every once n a while. it just doesn't work out.

maybe the baby wakes up before we really have a chance to do anything. maybe we are both so dogged tired.

Last night though we were all about the sexy time. And it just didn't work. Which made me feel sad and regected. D was frustrated, I was pouting, and all in all neither one of us spoke to the other.

until i realized how tired I was and layed down to go to sleep.

And D kissed me good night.

sometimes just a kiss is just a wonderful as sexy time itself.

Why is it a big deal?

I grew up in florida. I love the beach. The sun the sand the smell and most of all the water. letting the waves crash into you and knock you down...or that is...I did.

I hate that penny may not have the beautiful beaches of pensecola. I want to cry when I see the animals covers in oil. When I see a huge oil slick in my ocean. and when i watch the live feed of the oil just spilling non-stop I want to cry even harder.

I want penny to have a clean home...inside and out. I want her to grow up respecting earth and knowing the importance of recycling and "being green"

I am cloth diapering for that very reason.

One of my favorite moms is doing a giveaway for some very adorable eco-friendly books

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#%21/pages/Mommy-Saves-Money/112447762104183?ref=ts

Not only is she green but also a wealth of info for discounts and savings!

Kinda makes me feel quesy

So as I have posted before when my ex and I split up...I went a little bit crazy.
I had a friend whom I have known for years. We worked together and always had a lot of shall we say...sexual tension...and we flirted....all the time.

My ex could have cared less. In the end she even suggested I hook up with him.

Well wonder of wonders when the ex and I split up he was also in the middle of a divorce from his wife.

We went out for coffee and lunch a few times. Never a date just...friends. We talked about our seperations what went wrong how we were dealing...and we flirted.

Finally after about a month...we slept together. after that once or twice a month we would meet up for lunch and sex.

Even when I was dating again I would even end up in his bed. but then I met D.

I thought it was just lust at first. But after the first day I was very aware of how much i not only wanted D physically but also how much i needed him emotionally.

I stopped taking m's calls and deleted his emails.

Now over 2 years later i every once in a while will get an email from him.

They usually have pictures that are inapropriate. I have told him many times to stop...i don't hear from him for 3-4 months and then it's back to the same old same old...so I think I need to change my email.

*sigh*

I feel like I should be sad letting go of a friendship...but honestly Im just angry and disgusted

It's a new day

4 and a half months...no wait scratch that...2 and a half years...nope not that either.

Ok so lets just go with...a long time ago...I was happy. I loved my life my family my friends...we will call this time period HIGH SCHOOL. And more specificlly...my senior year. My happiness lasted another 2 years after graduation. and then something changed. I meet the big ole ex.

and my happiness..the joy i felt waking up in the morning...was gone. After our seperation The saddness lingerd. like the smell in a bathroom...and over time i got used to it. And it nearly destroyed not only me but my relationship with D as well as D himself.

I made bad choices and betrayed his trust all the while crying because I knew I was killing him. I needed help but didn't want him to know how broken I was. To him I was perfection. And he forgave me over and over and over again.

Until one day he couldn't take it anymore. He was angry, and justifiablly so.

i thought it was the end. But it wasn't. It lasted 3 days.

Hearing him say I love you again and knowing what could happen changed me.

I admited my problems I got help and now for the first time in 8 or 9 years.

I am happy again. The joy is back.