Monday, November 8, 2010

Patience is a virtue...

All good things come to he who waits...

I have never been patient. Waiting is not a virture I posses. my pregnancy, although very easy and by alrights enjoyable, was torture. Because for the first time in my life really I HAD to wait for something.

There was no "peeking" (although the ultrasound was helpful)and I did not want the surprise to come early!

Thank God penny was right on time (2 weeks early actually) because i do belive if she had been even a day late...i would have been a mess.

But know i have to keep reminding myself to be patient.

I went out on a limb and started a small tutu making buisness.

It has been less than a week since I started.

So far it just by word of mouth and and through a facebook fan page.

I am grateful to have friends who have been sharing the page and I am hoping that eventually It will all work out.

Once things get going i may open an Etsy shop but that is a plan for later.

For right now I am just crossing my fingers and hoping things start up soon :)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Update (now with pictures!!)

Gah so much for keeping up to date. But in my defense it has been busy busy busy around here.

Let's start with the walk.

My cousin's mother was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago and we decided to show our support by going out to the Making Strides event in downtown...

Penny and I were a little late but the weather was beautiful and the walk was great!

Then there was Halloween. Penny's first. She was a pink crayon. Momma got crafty and made the costume. I was pretty happy with how it came out all things considerd...

And now we are getting ready for time changes holidays birthdays etc...
Money os still tight but things are muuuuch better.

and as a side note penny and i went to a childrens book party the other night...and found the best book ever...ever!!!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

9 months

you know when I first found out I was pregnant I thought i would be able to do all of this awsome stuff. like write a letter every month to my little appleseed until she was born. And then write a letter everymonth with updates to her till her first birthday....obviously that didn't happen.

SO i made a new goal. I will write her a letter every year on her birthday.

but because I am a proud momma...I will post her 9 month stats

weight 15.9 pounds (yes she is a peanut)

Height 22 inches (and she's short lol)

Hair strawberry blonde

eyes blue

She crawls says momma and dada and bables. She pulls up and cruises the furniture.

I love my daughter so much :)

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Momma saves money...and the little tike giveaway adventure

Well...I assume my readers know I have entered a giveaway for an awsome toy for penny for christmas...if not go here and check it out stratagy is hard core this time. any and all ways of uping my chances I do.

blogs stustus updates on the facebook...and twitter.

Which i never really wanted to do in the first place.....but oh...I totally opend and account for the giveaway! lol

Do I think I will win?

it depends on when you ask me.

Sometimes I am so sure I will win that i am all "YES! We will win and christmas this year will be EPIC!!!"

and then sometimes I'm all" meh...if we win that's awsome and if we don't it's ok too"

and then sometimes I am all
"I know we won't win and that sucks! but damnit i will do everything in my power to try!!!"

Le sigh!

*crosses fingers* gawd I hope we win!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

What did you do today?

We went for a walk and watched the koi fish swim. We feed the duckies. We put our feet in the pool and splashed in the water.

We ate spagetti and listend to The Beatles in honor of John's birthday.

We played in bed and made cookies.

so what did you all do today :)

Myspace Facebook twitter...ohhh my

I started out on myspace...It took about a year but once I got the hang of it...i loooved it.

I loved blogging, I love decorating my profile page. I loved uploading pictures...

and then facebook came along and myspace became...welll...kinda like the slums.

Empty with the exception of struggaling artist and shady characters.

but I do still love me some myspace.

Then came face book which was cool since i have a lOOOT of family on there.

and now to twitter. I can't write as much as I would like but I do like usiing it to be able to Tweet about giveaways.


the whole social networking age has officially taken over...

what in the world di we do before cell phones and voicemail and caller ID and social networks.

Sometimes I miss the days when you could just write a letter (ok fine email) or call someone and if they werent home or avalible...they would just have to call back.

Friday, October 8, 2010

And the second one

I love this lady!

Here reviews are awsome and spot on.

and her giveaways are to die a matter of fact...

I have in fact won the cutest pair of shoes ever for penny when she was a wee one.

and now here i am again...

crossing my fingers and hoping for the luck of the irish!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Mommy saves money blog giveaway!


Like seriously how stinkin cute is this??

SO let me tell you why I so badley want to win this.

As you guys know D just got a job.

but being out of work and taking a paycut...

We are broke financially.

which means christmas this year...just aint gonna happen.

Do you know how much it sucks to not be able to get your 1 year old (ok 11 month old) a christmas gift when everyone else will be?

No she wont notice..but we would.

Soooo If I win this...the box goes into the top of the closet so on christmas eve night mommy and daddy can put it together...and put it up next to the tree.

keep those fingers crossed folks!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Oh what i want to be...

Does anyone remember that song?

Oh what I want to be...
What I want to be...
When I grow up to be big me!

OK yeah...I'm a dork (it's from an old kidsongs video btw)

But it got me thinking

What do I want to be.

I want to be creative.

I love taking pictures...especially of my family.

My facebook page has literally HUNDREDS of pics of us (OK of penny mostly)

today penny was using her walker as a jungle gym. I snapped about 5 pics and uploaded them to her 8 month album (yes I have them all separated by age with the first 6 months condensed. I will do the same when she turns a year. and I swear not to post more than 1 time a month after she turns one!)

The thing is I have family who I never ever get to see on facebook and I looove that my grandparents (who i see MAYBE 1 time a year) get to see her "growing up".

But could I be a good photographer? probably not.

i can't draw or paint. I play the piano OK and my singing voice...well lets say I am average. I am not great but i wouldn't send Simon to psycho ward either.

I am slightly crafty but nothing special. I can make a badd azz tutu...but everyone I know can make those and if you type baby tutu into google a bazzilion sites come up selling the things.

I want to be a teacher.

That's what I want. That's why I got my degree.

But that is still about 4 years away. I knew I wanted to stay home when the baby was born.

and If we have another before she starts school (or after) I will want to stay home then as well.

So what do i want to be.
What makes me special?

I don't know.

But penny does.
And so does my husband.

And to me...that's all that matters.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Am I the only woman who feels this way???

I have a friend. He is a male friend. and he is a horndog.

5 years ago I thought his behavior was mildly amuzing but borderline annoying (seriously....who likes having a convrsation with someone that gets interupted every 5 minutes because a hot girl walks by)

Now...well lets just say the constant refrences to MILF's and other fun terms for women is wearing thin.

Don't get me wrong. I no LOVE compliments.

But sometimes I wonder if I am alone in disliking the super charged sexual ones.

Yes I am a woman.
Yes I have curves.

but am I not also a person?

I mean...I'm not just some "real doll" sitting around waiting to be bought for someones pleasure alone.

So my dear readers (all 16 of you...because I know you are reading this rebecahhhhh!)

I pose this question.

Do you find it annoying when someone looks at the opposite sex as nothing more than a sexual object?

Or am I just a prude (rebecahhhh and laura because you know me in real life I know you are laughing your butts off at the thought of anyone considering me a's ok lol)

Monday, October 4, 2010

I am woman...hear me...puuuurrr...

I always considerd myself a femanist.
We are all equal.

When I was growing up I wanted to be an actress or a buisness woman.

I used to picture myself in buisness suits with sleek hair and great shoes making 100 thousand a year and living in a posh apartment in manhattan. I always wanted to be a mom. Always. But in my dreams I would send my 4 beautiful to a ritzy private school and have a maid to clean up my home.

I also had a really hot succesful husband and we would take great family vacations all over the world.

and all of this would be accomplished by the time I was 30.

I am 27.

Do I have a job making 100 thousand a year? no
Do I own even one buisness suit? nope
Do I have any of those things? yes!

I have a sexy husband who I love more than life.
I love my home.
I love my family.

And I am a stay at home mom.

I have a friend who sniffs and sticks her nose up at that.

Yes I stay home cook clean and take care of our child.

but it was my choice.

And that to me is the mark of true femanism.

I am not staying home because I have to...I am doing it because I want to.

Sunday, October 3, 2010


I'm baking cookies right now.

chocolate chip...

(ok so i am eating cookies and blogging right now...but the cookie baking accured like 15 min ago)

I haven't baked in so long. I haven't done anything crafty in so long...

But in the past three days...

I have baked, made a halloween costume for penny, made multiple tutu's.

where is this coming from?

It's my happy place.

and lets face it...D being out of work...I really wasn't in a "cookie baking" frame of mind.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

New job...and more

So D got a job. Which is veeeeery good.
it's a warehouse which works just fine. D has to learn some new equipment but he already really likes it.

And that is all we need to say about that.

Hey readers...guess what...


I fininshed P's costume today. and made my first tutu...and since I am an overacheiver...I made like three more.

I felt so accomplished.

I love this time of year. the end.

Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas!

One right after the other!!

the family get togethers, the food (oh gawd the food!)

the decor and yes...the gifts...not just getting (which is fun0 but the giving.

and this year I am sooooooo excited about watching penny.

Her first trick or treating, Her firt thanksgiving, Her first Christmas...and then

Oh Emm Geee

Her First Birthday!!!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Run Cleavage RUN!!!

So I have lost 43 pounds since giving birth.

I know I know..I should be happy. I should not want to lose more...but I do.

The fact is...I am still out of shape and over weight.

So I have been looking for diffrent things to do.

My excersize dvds are now second nature and i use them to simply maintain my weight.

With D being out of work (although he got a job today! woot! but more on that later) I can't afford an excersize class or gym membership.

So I have decided after reading the updates on

that I want to do the couch 2 5k running program...

god help me.

But I know I can do this.

I want to be healthy. David desreves a hot sexy healthy wife. Penny deserves at healthy active mommy.

and I deserve to be able to look at myself nekkid and be happy :)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


It's no secret that I am a "bumpie" I love the bump. I do have my home board with ladies that I have known and been bumping with since 1st tri. I even have a couple which I would consider personal friends.

I think eve without The bump I would be a great mom. But because of it and the ladies on it I feel the transition was easier.

My PPD was a struggle (and still is) and although I did not post about it reading the stories of my fellow bumpies struggaling with it was a huuuuge help.

and even small things..

cloth diapering homemade baby food and breastfeeding...these were all things I learned about and got help with through the bump.

And it's not to say that it's all puppies and rainbows all the time...because it isn't.

There is a board though that i lurk on (which I promise you is not as creepy as it sounds)

And on this board is a group of woman who's streangth and love astounds me.

One of the ladies just lost her beautiful child.

I have sufferd a loss.

I know the pain.

But I also know her exponentialy larger.

For me losing the monkeys at just under 3 months was horrible.

But to give birth and hold your child and then lose them...

The outpouring of love was amazing.

And even though she does not know me. My heart breaks.

and she and her family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Monday, September 27, 2010

You take the good you take the bad you mix them up and there you have...

The facts of life!

Ugh my blogs have been so depressing lately.
But things are so much better. i have a job interview and D has 2...all in the next three days.

You know I think the hardest part about this whole situation...

The reason for D feeling so depressed...

Was the lack of call backs.

It kinda makes you feel like something is wrong with you.

But we are both getting callbacks and it is just a matter of time till one of us gets a job.

In the meantime we are enjoying hockey season (Go Rangers!) a new season of Hell's Kitchen (YOU DONKEY!)
and watching penny change overnight...she stood on her own and took 2 wobbly half steps today.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Hope burns brighter

I am so sick and tired of crying, being worried, being scared.

I just want some hope...just a little bit.

Everynight my prayers are the same...

"Please us. Please let david get a job. Or let me get a job. Please watch over and protect my family"

Today while D was sleeping the phone rang. It was his old manager.

And then there it was...


Maybe a job. Maybe the thing that will help.

Help get us out of debt.

Help D stop being depressed.

Help us stop being worried about what we are going to do after the first of the month when the money is gone.

My prayers have changed.

"Thank you god for giving us this hope."

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The breakdown.

In the past few weeks D has been slipping. He has good days (or as I call them days where he hids it well) and really horrible days.

But it's always there...just beneth the surface.

In the past few weeks he has gone from hopeful (as soon as I get a job things will be ok...we just may need to budget) to hopeless (Game over it's done! You guys are better off without me)

Yesterday he went to see a guy at ace hardware...a family friend.

He was told he would be the first hire. he guy was seriously impressed with his resume.

But they will not be hiring for 4 more weeks.

for d that is to long.

He became quietly depressed. Which is worse than before. before he was at least talking.

Yesterday I asked him if he wanted to be alone...should the baby and i go spend the night at my moms we could be out of his hair.

he told me to do whatever i felt was right.

I decided to stay but to take the baby to my moms house. I though david and I just needed a night together...alone.

needless to say he broke down when I brought her in to say goodbye.

First he thought we were both leaving. Then he just cried. and then I cried. and then penny started crying.

So there we were. a family. struggaling. loving. and crying together.

After the tears stopped and we all calmed down He promised never to leave us. And I promised never to take the baby and leave him

...and penny said quack quack drooled a little bit and tried to pull out davids leg hair...

Which was (roughly translated) her way of saying...

and I will never leave either.

We are a family. We stick together. As long as we are all still together we will be ok.

I know it.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Looking up...

Things may be looking better. D has a possible job opportunity.

But no more over thinking and no more focusing on the negative.


must just think of this...

Friday, September 17, 2010

Is it worth it?

after last night (which was not good) I woke up early. even after being up late. My brain wouldn't allow me to sleep. I layed in bed curled around my sleeping husband. Just thinking.

I am not as weak as I thought I was.

Some things are worth fighting for.

my family is worth fighting for.

I won't give up.

I can't.

I refuse to sit by and let it happen.

That is my streangth.

I won't allow myself to belive that we wont always be together. That is giving up.

D said I needed to start accepting the fact that it would happen. To accept it now would be weak. would mean I had done everything and there was no hope.

There is always hope.


Thursday, September 16, 2010


Today started out good. and then D got the phone call he had been waiting for.

A small glimer of hope. Maybe the nightmare would end. Maybe he could get his job back.

When he got home I knew. I knew the meeting didn't go as he hoped.

more tears. God I didn't think I could cry anymore. But I did. A whole new ocean seemed to form.

It's like a nightmare where you keep trying to outrun the invisable horror that is behind you and you just can't

3 weeks. That is about how long i have with him. I am so angry and heartbroken.

Why can't he stay with us. Why is he not seeing the way this is killing me.

and what about penny.

She loves him so much. But she is only 8 months old. How dare he even think of leaving her without memories of him.

I am so angry at so many right now.

Angry at him for giving up and even suggesting that we live without him...even for a day.

Angry at the company for not taking him back.

Angry at all of the companies that are hiring but didn't even call him for an interview.

Angry at the bad economy.

angry at the government for not fixing it.

Angry at myself for being so weak.

Why can't I just accept it. Why do I feel like i need to fight.

People are in much worse situations than us. but why do I feel like we are as bad off as others.

Tonight D told me that if it came down to it and we had to live with my parents and he lived in his car he would probably not last long. He would just go live in the off the grid.

A stronger woman would say "fine, fuck you then!" pack her pags and the baby up in the car and drive away without looking back.

I beg and plead for him to think about it. I stay because I love him so much.

I have to be strong for my daughter.

But how can you be strong when half of your heart is ripped away?

It's a Brazzle Dazzle day.

or a crazy day. So far today I have been good. I would say great but that would be exaggerating. I have been good.

and that's OK.

D is going to his old job for a meeting. I hope he gets his job back. The eternal cockeyed optimist in me is SURE he will.

The cynic in me is assuming he wont. Self preservation I guess. Expect the worst and you wont be disappointed and all that.

Penny now has three teeth. I am still amazed by how much she has grown and changed in the last 8 months.

And I go between saying "holy crap it has already been 8 months" because in 1 second it seems time has flown by...

but then I think "really...ONLY 8 months?" because it seems like she has been here for much longer. My memories of the time before her are there but seem so distant.

It's the same with D. we have been together for 2 1/2 years. on November 12Th we will have been married for 1 year.

But it seems much longer.

And my memories of the time before him, my first marriage, my divorce.

it all seems like a bad dream. images floating around that when you really sit and think the all kind of come together like an old movie reel and you think "was that really me?" did I really do that?

I am hopeful as always about the future for my family. I know we will be OK.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Downward Spiral.

The last 4 weeks have say the least.

D being out of work has been an adjustment. Our scheduals got totally thrown off.

Penny and I have got back on our normal routin somewhat and slowley D is as well.

But he has also gotton sick.

and now I am getting sick to. ugh.

With no jobs calling him back we have been discussing options. canceling our phone and internet service. we have cell phones which are pay as you go and cheaper and our apartment offers free wi-fi.

canceling the storage untit and selling things.

The bottom line is if he doesn't have a jb within the next few weeks...penny and i will be moving in with my parents and he apparently will be living out of his car until he finds a job.

Pride will not let him move with us.

i hate HATE HATE this.

I have been crying everyday just thinking about it.

i feel so incredibly helpless right now.

My family is possibly breaking up and I am looking at not having my husband with me everynight for the first time since we started dating. Penny loves her dad. She is used to seeing him every day. how will she adjust?

All i can think anymore is "what will become of us?"

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Saturday, September 4, 2010

The muchkin and more...

So a few updates...

Penny is mobile...super mobile! She went from semi crawling to flying across the floor over night. She also imedietly started pulling up and crusing the furniture and saying dada and what I can only assume is "quack quack" (as she says it in the bathtub to her rubber duckies) within 2 days.

in the past 2 weeks she went from still being a baby to blossoming into an almost toddler.

All the changes sent me into a tizzy.

but a happy one.

In other news after many months of trying diffrent therapy and making diffrent life changes...I think I may have finally found something that works to help me give a beat down on the ppd.

of course i feel great after 3 days...we will see how it goes.

D is still job hunting. It's now been two weeks since he lost his job. The worry and fear is starting to subside somewhat as we are seeing that we are ok for now. hopefully he will get hired soon. He is lucky that he works in an idustry that is hiring right now and he has 15 years experience in it.

So long story short...

We are doing ok.

Monday, August 30, 2010


i hate not being in control. Yet another suck ass part of ppd.

The past 3 weeks have been a little harder than normal though. D lost his job (well ok he didn't lose it...i mean he knows where it is it just isn't is job anymore)which means that this warrior princess *points to self* is hella stressed.

It doesn't matter that we have enough money in our account saved up to get us through the next 6 months without having to make cuts. Or that my husband is the best money manager and has actually made a budget to streatch it out for an additional 3 months without making any really huge sacrafices.

I have no control over this. and it is eating me alive.

I want my family to be safe happy and well cared for. I want everything to be ok.

But if everything in life was perfect it would not be called would be called paradise.

Life is about choices, bad times, hardships, and suffering.

But as I have to remind myself constantly life is also about perserverence, love, faith, hope, and smelling the flowers.

This morning D and i took the baby for a walk to a park. They had a little butterfly garden which she was in love with. a huge Monarch butterfly landed on her hand and they just sat there for about 10 seconds staring at each other in fasination (curse me for not bringing a camera!)

Then the butterfly took off and flew away while my daughter watched and giggled.

I wish I could channel that everyday.

Note to self. always stop and enjoy the butterflies.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Timw with daddy

I am a stay at home mom. As such penny obviously spends most of her time with me.

But this week my husband lost his job. We are scared and worried but for the moment ok. we have savings to get us through the next 6 months...a little longer actually if we manage our money right.

Having D home all this week has been nice. Although he does spend a lot of time on the computer and phone looking for a new job filling out applications and what not.

Penny is definantly a daddy's girl.

She loves me and needs me but daddy is just this amazingly wonderful being in her life.

I may be a wee bit jealous :)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

You know what makes me want to scream?

When people ask for my opinion and then get pissy with me when they hear something other than what they want to hear.

If you don't want someone elses opinion or advice don't ask for it. If you just want to vent...say "I need to vent this and I really just need someone to listen"

See the diffrence? See how easy?!?!


Thursday, August 5, 2010

In the summertime when the weather is fine...

I live in florida...central florida. and right's HOT!
I complain about the heat,the lack of seasons,and the state in general.


deep down I love where I live.

I love that the beach is about a 30 min drive. I can walk to sea world any day I want to go. Disney is a 15 min drive in one direction and Bush Gardens is about 30 min past that. 15 min in the other direction is Universal.

I am lucky.

There is always always always something to do and our family is close.

D and I have talked about moving up north. Somewhere with a lower cost of living and seasonal changes. somewhere that snows.

and maybe we will someday. But the truth is florida has everythiing we want.

I'm not sure if I would be able to move so far away that I couldn't see my mom every week or my dad once a month (although lately with his's been every few months).

So yes...although I complain...I am a florida girl at heart.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

How to explain...

July 29th. Today started normal. Penny woke up, I changed and feed her and we played together. She sat in the kitchen and watched me unload the dishwasher and make coffee. for 3 hours it was just the two of us (with D sleeping in the next room of course)

I laid her down for a nap grabbed my bible and did my devotional for the day. it was normal.

and then I looked at the calander...and saw the date.

This was the due date for the twins. They would have been 2.

Before D and I met I was in a bad place. I was seperated from my ex and I was despretly seeking love...even if it was just the physical and this very self destructive behavior led to me being pregnant with a set of twin boys. By someone who was not so nice.

I went from shock to deeply afraid to ridiculusly happy within a 3 day span. and on dec 25 of 2007...My heart was shatterd. I started bleeding. I spent christmas night at the emergancy room. One of the twins had already died. His heart had stopped. For 3 hours I waited with hope that my other baby would make it. I was devestated when he didn't.

I was not far along. And some people would question how sad I could be over a loss so soon.

But I was.

seeing the date today knowing if I had carried full term penny would have 2 older brothers was like having a bucket of ice water dumped on me. Who would they have looked like? What would they be like?

and when she is old enough how do I properly explain to penn about her brothers in heaven?

Not a day goes by that I don't think about them at least once.

Sometimes my thoughts are sad. Sometimes they are angry but lately they have been happy. I had them for such a small amount of time and I am now more or less focusing on the happyness we shared. The little flutters I could feel. The dreams.

And today my thoughts..."Happy birthday my sweet angels"

Monday, July 19, 2010

So long...

I haven't had anything to write about lately. Life is life. Penny is 6 months old now. D is looking for another job. He isn't in danger of losing his but he isn't happy. The physical demand of his job takes away from time spent with us on his days off because he is so draind. The stress of the job the stress of not knowing where we will be at in a year (i.e. will he be in the same job wll he have a new job etc..)

Is also weighing heavily on all of us.

Financially we are doing great. But is that enough. I miss my husband. Working the night shift he see's us for an hour in the morning on his work days. On his off days he has things he "needs" to get done.

I understand to a point. But i am the type of person who can say..."it can wait" in order to spend time with my family. This does not in any way make me a better parent or spouse than him of course...just diffrent.

in other news my cousin is getting married in august. Her bridal shower is on saturday. I enjoy her company and she is also a young mom. her daughter is 1 month older than penny. I wasn't planning on taking the baby with me but apparently...I am.

I never assume thats it's ok to bring her somewhere when I have been invited. But I wonder sometimes if people without kids realize just how not easy it is to "just get a sitter" or even if Im bringning her I have to make sure I have EVERYTHING I may possibly need and god help me if she has a shit nap schedual that day.

i never wanted to be that friend who doesn't stay in touch when she has a baby. i have had friends like that. And i was totally annoyed that they didn't just "get a sitter"

I know better now!!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Diapers...the contreversy!!

When I decided to switch to cloth diapers I didn't realize what a stir it would cause.

But I am happy to say a month into it we have had no leaks no blow outs no rashes and I will never go back!!

About 2 weeks ago i was changing penny (she was wet)and just before I snapped her clean diaper on...she screwed up her face and started to grunt. I know what that means.

she was about to poop (that's right...I said it...poop)

I had JUST statred to change her so I had 3 options

1)put the clean diaper on her and change it again in 5 min.

2)put the wet diaper back on her and let her finish (ewww)

3) run to the bathroom with my half nekkid baby and pray that she didn't go until I was holding her over the toilet.

I choose option 3.

We made it to the potty.

She actually grabbed the toilet seat and bared down.

I haven't changed a poopy diaper since. lol

and speaking of diapers. The last pack I bought (disposables) were the huggies jean diapers (I know I know)

But they were on sale and I was simply waiting for my clothies to arrive in the mail. I had a buch of prefolds I used the jean diapers as diaper covers.

for those of you who are unaware of the huggies jean diapers

we have one left...just one.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I hate losing weight...

Well to be more specific I hate that my clothes 9none of them) fit properly while Im losing weight and that when i am at my ideal weight i will have to get new clothing.

I also hate the obsession.

ok so here is a good example.

When I got married the first time I weighed ALMOST 300 pounds...and on a 5 foot 4 a white strapless wedding wasn't pretty. I looked horrible.

While on our honeymoon my ex's grandmother died and we had to go to her funeral. all of the family we had seen a week before at the wedding was there...with pictures.

I was mortified with how I looked. So I lost the weight. It took my 2 years to get to the weight i wanted.

Then I went through multiple losses and a just really bad marriage. I lost my job and moved back home with my mom.

Where i satyed well feed for 5 months...and then i moved in with david...where i stayed well feed...all the time.

The day I had penny i weighed a whopping 221 pounds. And I started off the pregnancy at 215 pounds.

I know weigh 175.

I still need to lose weight. At least another 25. i would love to make it 35 though.

*sigh* whenever i start talking weightloss...It alwasy makes me want to go eat a cupcake.

I hate losing weight!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010 fluffy butts and leg warmers

Why didn't I switch sooner?!?!

And yes i call them leg warmers...the dancer in me can call them nothing else! lol

Monday, July 5, 2010

Holidays, Family, Cloth Diapers...ohhh my!

I love the 4Th of July. It's my 4Th (ironic right!?!?) favorite holiday (Christmas,Thanksgiving and Halloween are the first three...we will talk about those later)

We went to D's parent's house this weekend. Going to the in-laws house is kind of like visiting the Corleone family from the godfather...with less clothing.

You see in D's family...if your a boy, teenage guy, grown man...wearing a shirt...just doesn't happen. Unless we are going out in public.

Him, his brother, the nephews, his dad...they were all topless the entire weekend.

And who can blame was a million degree's out and humid enough to were snorkel equipment to walk down the street.

But we had BBQ (reason #1 I love the 4Th) and attempted to go swimming. Unfortunately 2 min into everyone jumping in the started to thunder and lightning...damn.

As hot as it was penny was a slightly nekkid baby this weekend. But wearing her cloth diapers she looked adorable..of course.

My Sister-in-law was of course in attendance (I say of course but it was a surprise...yay...)

Now lets put this into perspective. The kiddos have not seen their mom since Christmas of last year. They were excited to see her. They wanted to play with her. she on the other hand was "tired" and just wanted to relax.

Scuse me sweetheart but you have not seen or held your children in 6 months...get off your lazy, self indulgent, ass and play with your kids.

And if that wasn't bad enough...she gave me (or tried) parenting advice.

The woman who upon finding out her ex had died said "oh do i have to take the kids or is someone else going to take them?"

Now frankly they are all better off where they are at. She is not the worst mother by any means but let's face it...she just doesn't want to be bothered with having kids.

any way the advice she (tried) gave me was as follows..

1)Is she teething? Just give her a raw frozen steak to chew on. (erm...raw meat doesn't seem like the most appropriate thing for a 5 month old to nom on)

2) You know when the kids were babies and they wouldn't get to sleep I would just smoke pot in there room while they played in would knock them right out. (?!!?!??!?!)

3) You should clean her mouth out with peroxide and rubbing alcohol when she gets kills the germs (my head almost exploded)

But the one thing she had the biggest opinion on was the cloth diapering. She pulled us aside and informed us that she was worried. She felt we were putting our child at risk because we had a natural birth center birth, I breast feed, and we cloth diaper. bout noooo.

She didn't explain why she felt this way but let us know that she didn't feel comfortable with us having her kids because of this and was planning on petitioning for full custody...

*sigh* I really hope she doesn't try because i don't want the kiddos dragged through this.

I don't know what to do. We don't want to lose the kids because we love them but we reallly don't want to lose them to her.

Anyway...Needless to say our 4Th of July this year...was kind of a bust. :(

p.s.this wasn't meant to be such a downer of a post...sorry about that!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Did I really lose a day?

No...I didn't loose a day. I lost 2. Thats right baby...@ whole stinking days!

I dislike when that happens. I rememeber them. I know Penny started sitting on her own one of the days and D went all crazy *you rowdy kids stop that skateboarding" on a couple of kids (actually he was pretty nice...but he looked crazy as they woke him up and when he went out to ask them to stop he was a bed headed and wearing pajama pants with little spaceships all over them...don't ask)

I know It was so hot this week that penny lived la vida loco and wore nothing but her diaper.

And I know that I got way to excited about the preview for season 2 of teen mom and jersey shore (I know trash t.v. lot's of adults like those shows though...don't hate!)

and that a new episode of Hell's Kitchen, America's got talent, and Dad camp all aired...

But so help me when I woke up this morning...I totally thought it was monday...


I need to start taking some ginko or something!!!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

The breast is best...

Now if you read my blog (or at know...the title) You would probably deduce I have nice cleavge.

and I think I do.

You know why I like them...because they are versitile.

Part sexy. Part useful

I breastfeed. and I love it (I didn't at first but that is a whhhole other post)

I have feed my daughter in lots of places including in public.

And I have to say my peace on NIP

A lot of women who nurse in public do it descretly. Thats fine. a lot of them don't. Thats fine to. do what is right for your family.

But my biggest pet peeve are the nursing women who dislike nursing rooms with a passion.

here is a good example.

We went to sea world yesterday. Penny got hungry. We were within 15 feet of a nursing room and 10 feet of a bench.

it was 97 degree's and muggy.

There was a woman nursing on the bench (which was in the sun and in the middle of a playground area)

I turned to D and said "babe im going to go nurse her in the nursing room ok?"

bench lady...gave me a dirty look and said "you know you can nurse out here! women like you are the reason NIP is frowned upon!"

Excuse me!?!? Now i couold write out a whole paragraph about how this made me feel but instead I will simply write out my response.

"It's 97 degrees out here she doesn't eat if she get's distracted and the room has A/C and rocking chairs. sorry but our comfort right now trumps making a statement."

I mean are you kidding me? Did I mention it was 97 effing degrees?!?!?!

I really wish mom's would stop waging war on each other and just accept that everyone is diffrent and doing the best they can for their family.

Because you can't pick your ex-family members

OK so in yesterday's post I mentioned my Ex-Mil.
She gave me a trash can full of cleaning supplies for Christmas with a passive aggressive note about the state of my home.


I will say that although my divorce was devastating for me...I literally wanted to do cartwheels out of the courtroom because I knew I would NEVER have to see, speak, listen to this woman again.

Yesterday D and I went to sea world with penny. and who should we see? get three guesses...

the first 2 don't count.

as soon as I laid eyes on her I tried to seriously. We were in a gift shop and I was holding the baby. I saw her by the registers and literally ducked underneath a rack of clothing. Penny thought it was a game...D thought i had lost my effing mind.

An d it was all for nothing because the dragon lady saw me.

And walked over with a big fake smile and a streak of red lipstick on her teeth (srsly in the 5 years I was with her son...she always had lipstick on her teeth...always)

Her: Welll loook at you! I heard you got married and had a baby but i didn't know you were pregnant again!

(bitch...I have lost 45 pounds since penn was born...I'm not pregnant)

Me: aw nope not pregnant just need to lose the last little bit of baby weight. You know how hard that is.

Her:hm mm well she looks nothing like you...she's beautiful.

Me: yes well you know what they say girls who look like their dads are always beautiful.

Her: So where is your husband? (hmmm perhaps it could be the tall blond guy standing next me pushing the stroller. *eye roll*)

Me: oh I'm sorry this is...

(At this point she cuts me off)

Her: oh why don't you let me hold her for a minute. since I will never be a know I can't understand why you couldn't do this before you got divorced.

(because that would require sex...which your son didn't want...he wanted a with it)

*tries to grab at penny...penny screams....hehehe.*

Me: oh I'm sorry...I guess she is just a little tired. so how's K(the ex) doing? Did she get her sexual reassignment surgery yet?

(yes my ex is transgender)

Her: Oh um no. But He..I mean she is dating someone...I guess.

and then she walked away.

Now lets get one thing straight. I have no love lost for my ex...and her being transgender has nothing to do with it.

And I really have no love lost for my ex mil...her being a bitch has EVERYTHING to do with it.

But she is a mom and I know the whole transgender thing bothers does the no grand kids. I do feel a little (and I mean a veeeeerrrrryyyyy little) bit sorry for her.

But she is still the mil equivalent of Godzilla...just saying.

Friday, June 25, 2010

My love affair...and why I will not stop.

Cloth Diapering...I loves it!

But i will be honest..i was very on the fence about it. Pregnancy months 2 (because thats when I knew I was knocked the eff up) through 6...I was so all about CD'ing.

months 7-8 I was rethinking it...I mean sposies would be sooo much easier. months 8-9 I was to busy handcuffing myself to the kitchen stove to give a hoot. and as you all know from yesterdays first 4 months post partum...I was dealing with extreme PPD.

But at the end of month 4 (when I had started getting help) I began to rethink my stance on cloth diapers.

I really loved the look and feel of them. I loved the thought of not running out. and I hated my diaper pail full of sposies. HATED IT!

The funny thing about the diaper pail is it wasn't really ment for diapers.

It was a trash can given to me by my ex mother in law.

Yes...the woman gave me an effing trash can one year for christmas...when I opend it and looked in side it was full of cleaning stuff.

and there was a note *Maybe this will help you keep the condo a little cleaner.*


Actually...maybe if your son wasn't such a lazy slobby asshole...I could keep the condo a little cleaner...just sayin.

anyway back to the original reason for the post.

So at 5 months i started cloth diapers. just at night (we wanted to try them out first)

know took us 2 days to fall in love and 1 week to choose the ones we wanted.

If we have another baby...we will cloth diaper from the begining.

And no one can convince me to do otherwise!

p.s.I threw out the stupid diaper pail/trash felt wonderful!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I don't like talking about my flair...I just don't.

So before I begin I do need to put a few things out there.

About 2 years before i got pregnant with penny I was pregnant with a set of twins. boys. I lost them both at 20 weeks. I was devestated. But I was also in my most secret heart of hearts...relived. I was single. And the "baby daddy" was...well he had the mentality of a 2 year old and 3 kids already scatterd throughout the U.S.A. That he never saw and didn't pay child support on. I was stupid and reckless.

So fast forward to me being pregnant with penn. I was in my 2nd tri and had just reached 24 weeks when one of my fellow bumpies (who was about 3 weeks behind me) went into pre-term labor and lost her son. I must have cried everyday for 3 weeks straight for her.

fast forward a little bit more and I am in labor (and it was a pretty quick an easy labor at that)i give birth to my beautiful daughter.

Aww see look at the happy family. Happy baby Happy daddy Happy mommy.

*sound of screaching tires on pavement*

Mommy was not nearly as happy as one would belive her to be.

after my family left my husband went to get us something to eat and the midwives left me alone to rest with her.

All i wanted to do was sleep. I didn't want to curl up around her because it was hot as hell in the birthing room (I know it was to keep her warm)and I just wanted to rip the blankets they had covering me off and splay out on the bed and sleep.

But thats normal right? I mean I just went through labor.

A week later D had to go back to work. I cried so hard. I didn't want to be left alone with her all day. I didn't know what I was doing!!!

A month later I began daydreaming about the most awful things happening to her.
But they didn't make me sad or scared. I knew something was wrong. Normal women did not imagine their infants drowning in the tub or falling out of their arms over the railing with out crying or feeling awful.

I thought back to my loss. The loss of friends and family. How dare I not be grateful! I didn't deserve my daughter my husband or my life.

The first (and last) time I ever in my life attempted to kill myself...was when penny was 6 weeks old.

Obviously I didn't. I won't go into what happend as it is hard enough writing most of this out.

I got the help I should have gotten in the begining.

Everyday I pray for others to do the same. No one should have to deal with that kind of pain alone. no one

Happiness is...sea creatures

I can not even begine to explain how much I love being able to go to sea world whenever I want...thank you florida fun pass!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Blog hop tuesday...the handcuff story.

Last November I accidently handcuffed my self to my kitchen stove.

I will give you a minute to let that sink in.

are we good? here's the story.

Last November I was pregnant...hugely pregnant...for the sake of my readers here is a visual

Now D and i have alwasy had a great physical relationship and with the exception of one time when i ripped ass in the middle of sex...up till this hadn't gotten dull.

But at 8 months pregnant...I was not feeling my sexiest and the only position we could comfortably use was doggy style...which lets face it...made me feel even less appaeling. Plus I was just plain uncomfortable.

I knew it botherd D but to his credit...he never complained and totally understood.

On the night in question I decided that since we would be very soon brand new parents of an infant to try and spice things up. (we of course had his neice and nephews at this point...but they were at grandma's)

I knew it was an early night for him and he would be home from work by eleven at the latest.

So I cooked a romantic dinner busted out the candle sticks and made a picnic set up in our living room.

And to make things more fun...I got my handcuffs out.

And since I had not used them in a while i had to make sure the key still worked...right?!?!

Now here is where I could blame my desision on pregnancy brain...but in all honesty...I would have probably done this pre=pregnancy to.

Instead of just cuffing one of the bracletes to my wrist and then unlocking it ( know that would make sense) I hand cuffed my self to the stove.

I don't know why.

I also don't know why I didn't think to grab the handcuff key that was sitting on the coffee table in the living room.

And remember how it was D's early night at work? yup...he endedd up staying 4 hours later.

I was 8 months pregnant...handcuffed to the stove...and because i was told to drink 5 million gallons of water a day...I had to pee.

Neccesity is the mother of invention...

I used a flower vase.

Needless to say D was surprised...and after laughing for 20 min. uncuffed me.

We had great sex the next night.

Welcome to the Tuesday Tornado Blog Hop!

We're a group of Bloggers wanting to branch out and find other blogs to read and follow. Interested? It's easy to join.

- Simply leave your name and url down below, and it will be added to the list.

- Follow the first 9 bloggers on the list. Be sure to leave a comment on their blog so they can follow you back.

- Add the blog hop button below to your sidebar or Tuesday post.

- Follow anyone else on the list you want – and feel free to follow others back.

Do you have to do this every week? Nope. Just as often as you want. But the more you post, the more followers you'll get. Active commenters and participants have a chance to be the featured blogger one week - meaning lots more visibility.

Each Tuesday we'll be doing a short theme. If you’d like to join in, next Tuesday we will be posting pictures of “Best Outfit Ever.” It could be real, sarcastic – your outfit or a celebrities. Let us know what you did by leaving a comment next week.

Have fun!
1. Diana @Hormonal Imbalances 20. Monkey Butt Junction
2. Chelsie @Forever&After 21. Janelle
3. Krista @ Not Mommy of the Year 22. The New Punken
4. Laura @Melodramamma 23. Tales of the Wife
5. Cindy @This Adventure Our Life 24. Emily
6. Metta @365 Days: 30 + Mommyhood 25. Gordon Casada
7. Alice @Life With Vivian 26. Natalie
8. LA @The Reel Life 27. Brynn
9. Amy @Rumble in the Kitchen 28. Jess
10. Belle's Butterfly Dreams 29. Angela
11. justine 30. Cristin
12. Katie 31. Sara
13. Angie 32. My Trendy Tykes
14. Goober Grape & Monkey Man 33. Ben and Carrie Tracks
15. Ms Diva 34. Michelle
16. Christina 35. chelsea
17. papoe 36. Tyesha Brow
18. 2 Much Testosterone 37. Kristin
19. Jess@Straight Talk 38. 2 Much Testosterone

(Submissions close in 17h 27m)
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Monday, June 21, 2010

House of 1000 germs...

So a quick update...penny went to the doctor this morning (my appointment is later today)

She had a "slight" fever and ear infection. So she is on the medicine...and sleeping. funny I never would have guessed it was an ear infection. But i am glad she will be better soon.

I'm hoping I feel better soon to. I had to switch my dentist appointment...which didn't really break my all.

D has to go back to work today. So I anticipate a quiet day...

maybe. lol

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Feeling just...blah...

Pen and I are sick. Neither of us wants to do anything but sleep and eat...a little. but barleey that. We both have doctors apointments on monday.

God i hope it's nothing serious and is just like a summer cold.

So apologizes for the brief blog update and lack of comments on the blogs of my readers.

I promise next blog update will be a fun filled adventure about cloth diapering, breastfeeding, church, sex, and sickness.

and fathers day.

and it's all one story...oh's freaking epic.

till to the sick bed

(D is on vaca this week and taking care of us...he is so getting major sexy time when I feel better...seriously)

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I really doubt she whistled while she worked...

Snow White...growing up you actually made me belive that chores could be fun...YOU LIED.

I really don't think you ever had to clean up after a blender misshap

*note to self...make sure the blender lid is ALL the way on in the future*

Penny was helping me make baby food this morning

(and by helping I mean overseeing the process and throwing in her two sense...saucy little minx that she is)

I was laughing..and it was all fun and games...until I turned the blender on.

Squash went everywhere...and penny rolled her eyes.

Yes sweety mommy is that ditzy...

2 hours and a bath later we are all clean and I am this close *holds up finger and thumb inches apart*

to saying screeeewww this Im buying gerber!

happiness is playing together...

Ok so i was going to write a whole post today about my kitchen and why it makes me happy...but I have no instead...

my dads house...and all the happiness that goes with it!

My dad lives on 10 acers of property...I love going out to visit them. It's peacful beautiful and just a nice get away from the city...with all of it's noise.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Another life adventure...

Have you ever met one of those people that you get a bad feeling about from the get go?

Not a feeling of ZOMG! BAD PERSON!

more like...ohhh...I don't know if we are going to get along.

I met one today.

She's a neighbor.

Penny and I were going for or walk (which by the you know how to tell if it's to hot out? When your baby gets a raging case of swamp ass...yeah...but I digress)

While walking our neighbor spotted us. Usually she never says two words but today it was like *zoooom!* in 2 seconds in the heat of the day she made it to us from about a million feet away (ok so it was not a million..but when it's 99 degrees seemed like a million)

No hello, how are you, etc.

Just this.

Look I was wondering if maybe your husband would mind parking somewhere else from now on? I just started dating this guy and he always has to park all the way on the other side when he comes to see me and i don't want this to screw up our new romance.



1) D gets home at about 3 in the morning. IF there is a spot open close to the building...he takes it.

2)Is your new boyfriends parking spot that important to your new budding romance? Reaally?


of course it was followed up with

and also your baby always wakes me up at 6:30 in the morning...can you do anything about that?


yup she wakes me up at 6:30 as well...silly 5 month old child with all of her obnoxious wanting to eat...and to have a clean diaper.

You know I don't want to be THAT parent that feels since I blew my vadge out bringign her into this world I should get a gold freaking star. And honestly I always worry that she is going to wake our neighbors in the morning.

But I am not exactly sure what this princess wanted me to do...put a muzzle on her?

even Penny gave her the side eye.

dear lord,
please let penny grow up to be a loving understanding woman...and not an entitled twit (and trust me..she is).

The Capt.

Before I sign off I would like to say heeeeey to my new followers and thanks for the comments...and just wait till you read the handcuff story next week.


and it's not from teething!

The filling fell out of my back tooth. I hate the dentist.

Like I would rather eat dirt.

But I have to week.

*sigh* I need words of reassurance...

Just thinking about the sound of the drill makes me want to vomit!

Happiness is...

My garden.

Although these were taken before the shelvign was put up (I really need to get pictures of that)

Annyway this is yet another thing that brings me joy and happiness!

ETA. I just realized it's wordless wendsday...but this isn't I guess im good! lol

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The blog hop

I don't usually do "theme days" but this blog hop sounds I need new reading material.

and when the theme is "handcuffs" weeeelll goodness graces how can one pass that one up?!?!

Of course after visiting the other blogs i have to blog kinda sucks...seriouslly.

maybe someday I will be able to figure out how to have a purtiful blog.

Baisiclly what is going to happen is this

Welcome to the Tuesday Tornado Blog Hop! We're a group of Bloggers wanting to branch out and find other blogs to read and follow.

Interested? It's easy to join.

- Simply leave your name and url down below, and it will be added to the list.

- Follow the first 9 bloggers on the list. Be sure to leave a comment on their blog so they can follow you back.

- Add the blog hop button below to your sidebar or Tuesday post.

- Follow anyone else on the list you want.

Do you have to do this every week? Nope. Just as often as you want. But the more you post, the more followers you'll get. Active commenters and participants have a chance to be the featured blogger one week - meaning lots more visibility.

We'll have different themes in the weeks ahead to keep it fun - but always something simple and quick. We are all busy bloggers!

Next Tuesday we'll be doing a hot word theme. The word you can blog on that day is "Handcuffs." Examples: You can use it in a sentence, put your own definition on it, talk about your personal experience with them ;), whatever. Let us know what you did by leaving a comment next week when you link up.

The list is only open to join on Tuesdays, but all week long you can come back and link up to the new blogs.

When leaving a comment, try to leave a little personal love and then where you came from and your url if needed. It's no fun to read a comment that just says, "From Tuesday Tornado Blog Hop."

Oh, and thank you for linking up to us! We look forward to getting to know you!


(Submissions close in 9h 5m)
URL: (URL of your blog post)
Email: (Not visible)

gosh i hope I did that right!

Mary mary quite does your garden grow?

I love plants. always have!

my parents always had some sort of garden when I was growing up

My moms climbing roses, my dads veggie's, and my stepmoms green house all were reasons why I love the plant life.

And I have my own garden now.

Granted its a little harder being a gardener in an apartment but we have an awsome porch.

And on that my cacti garden.

D is putting up more shelves for me so I can start my herb garden...ZOMG! Can you imagine!??! fresh basil,oregeno,parsley...*swoon*

Now if only I can convince let me grow tomatoes...

Monday, June 14, 2010

Daily happiness

I have decided to think of one thing everyday that makes me happy. And post it here to remind myself that there is happiness.

Now as you can see I am cheating...because D and Penn...make me the happiest. So i have to post them BOTH first :)

Because in my family....wild hogs count as pets.

I am from central Florida (as in Orlando)but my family hails from the backwoods of Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, and Georgia.

for the most part we are rednecks. My great grandmother, grandmother, and mother are all southern belles.

the men in my family...are all what is known as "good ole' boys".

But i love my family.

I love listening to my grandfather telling me the story of his grandaddy and how he died at the age of 35...after surviving the civil war...because on a dare he carried a barrel of molasses 30 feet...and had a brain aneurysm.

Or about my cousin "over in star city by the levee" (cause y' Arkansas...we can't be bothered know...addresses)Who actually saw a UFO "damn near as big as Dumas".

*shakes head in laughter*

I know some people would be embarrassed by this family. I think they are fabulous!

I worry about how much time penny will get to spend with my grandparents but in my family...we tend to be dying for 50 years...until we actually age 98!

And the older we get the more fun we are.

And my dad...who is a hunter...has a pet hog...named Miss Kitty.

Because in my family...old yellow bulldogs and razorback pigs...are pets.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The shelter of my heart.

I have slaked on going to church in the past 10 years.

Truth be told I disliked getting up and going to church every sunday growing up. The main service was boring to me and seemed to drag on forever. But i loved sunday school and youth group and choir.

Choir and singing...always my favorite. Whenever we sang in church was when i felt close to God.

When I turned 18 and got my first job at disney....I stopped going to church. Because I had to work. Now I had an excuse! I mean shurly God wouldn't begrudge me going to work on sunday so someone else could have the day off to be with their family right?

Truth was just an excuse. I married someone who was against the church and would have never set foot in one. and after the split when I lived with my mom...I went to church...sometimes.

David is catholic and I was raised baptist. When I was pregnent we decided to raise her catholic. After attending 1 mass I knew this was right.

I am excited about going to worship service now. not just for the singing but to hear the message. I WANT to read my bible and do daily devotions during the week and I am getting better about praying everyday.

I wonder sometimes if I had been taken to a catholic service when I was younger if I would have choosen to be catholic on my own.

For in this church I have found...

a shelter for my heart.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

when it gets awkward

I am lucky. In so many ways. But i have to say i am luckiest in the way that I am, even after two years, still head over heels in love with my husband. Yes I know, It's only two years. But we were told...after six months the physical relationship will ebb. and then we were told after we got married our sex life would go dry. and then we were told after penny gets would be dead.

None of that has happend. granted when we first started dating we would spend the weekend together in a hotel somewhere. And lets face it I love sex. Yes thats right I said it. love it more than shoes. And in D I have found my perfect partener.

Usually we are both in sync and all about the sexy time when ever we get the chance.

But soemtimes, every once n a while. it just doesn't work out.

maybe the baby wakes up before we really have a chance to do anything. maybe we are both so dogged tired.

Last night though we were all about the sexy time. And it just didn't work. Which made me feel sad and regected. D was frustrated, I was pouting, and all in all neither one of us spoke to the other.

until i realized how tired I was and layed down to go to sleep.

And D kissed me good night.

sometimes just a kiss is just a wonderful as sexy time itself.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Why is it a big deal?

I grew up in florida. I love the beach. The sun the sand the smell and most of all the water. letting the waves crash into you and knock you down...or that is...I did.

I hate that penny may not have the beautiful beaches of pensecola. I want to cry when I see the animals covers in oil. When I see a huge oil slick in my ocean. and when i watch the live feed of the oil just spilling non-stop I want to cry even harder.

I want penny to have a clean home...inside and out. I want her to grow up respecting earth and knowing the importance of recycling and "being green"

I am cloth diapering for that very reason.

One of my favorite moms is doing a giveaway for some very adorable eco-friendly books

Not only is she green but also a wealth of info for discounts and savings!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Kinda makes me feel quesy

So as I have posted before when my ex and I split up...I went a little bit crazy.
I had a friend whom I have known for years. We worked together and always had a lot of shall we say...sexual tension...and we flirted....all the time.

My ex could have cared less. In the end she even suggested I hook up with him.

Well wonder of wonders when the ex and I split up he was also in the middle of a divorce from his wife.

We went out for coffee and lunch a few times. Never a date just...friends. We talked about our seperations what went wrong how we were dealing...and we flirted.

Finally after about a month...we slept together. after that once or twice a month we would meet up for lunch and sex.

Even when I was dating again I would even end up in his bed. but then I met D.

I thought it was just lust at first. But after the first day I was very aware of how much i not only wanted D physically but also how much i needed him emotionally.

I stopped taking m's calls and deleted his emails.

Now over 2 years later i every once in a while will get an email from him.

They usually have pictures that are inapropriate. I have told him many times to stop...i don't hear from him for 3-4 months and then it's back to the same old same I think I need to change my email.


I feel like I should be sad letting go of a friendship...but honestly Im just angry and disgusted

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

It's a new day

4 and a half wait scratch that...2 and a half years...nope not that either.

Ok so lets just go with...a long time ago...I was happy. I loved my life my family my friends...we will call this time period HIGH SCHOOL. And more senior year. My happiness lasted another 2 years after graduation. and then something changed. I meet the big ole ex.

and my happiness..the joy i felt waking up in the morning...was gone. After our seperation The saddness lingerd. like the smell in a bathroom...and over time i got used to it. And it nearly destroyed not only me but my relationship with D as well as D himself.

I made bad choices and betrayed his trust all the while crying because I knew I was killing him. I needed help but didn't want him to know how broken I was. To him I was perfection. And he forgave me over and over and over again.

Until one day he couldn't take it anymore. He was angry, and justifiablly so.

i thought it was the end. But it wasn't. It lasted 3 days.

Hearing him say I love you again and knowing what could happen changed me.

I admited my problems I got help and now for the first time in 8 or 9 years.

I am happy again. The joy is back.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Life is wonderful

The baby is sleeping. I have lasagna in the oven cooking. Lord of the rings is playing in the background.

david is at work. I wish he didn't work nights. i hate not eating dinner with him. I hate not saying goodnight.

But i love my life.

I'm coverd in vomit. Have bags under my eyes. and haven't put on make-up or done my hair in a week.

But i love my life!!!

Saturday, May 1, 2010

My birth story.

I know I posted this on my other blog but since I decided to write exclusivly on this blog I decided to go ahead and post it here as well.

January 12th...3:00 A.M. contractions...5 min. apart. 30-45 seconds long.

David went to sleep...I stayed up...and cleaned the kitchen...took a shower...cleaned the living room....took another shower...recleaned the kitchen (do you see where this is going)

10:25 call the birthing center. They told me to relax and call as soon as my water has broken.

10:27 lay down to get some sleep.

30 seconds later...water breaks.

they next 2 hours were boring. calling family birhting center and updating facebook (yep I am that girl).

arrive at birthing center at 12:30

I labored till about 5:40. It was relaxing. D massaging my back as I breathed through each contraction while sitting on the birthing ball (best invention ever)

at 5:40 I started pushing.

10 min later my beautiful daughter was born.

I can't even put into words the amazing feeling it was to give birth. the pain the joy everything.

and I absolutly can't wait till I do it again :)

Thursday, April 29, 2010

What's for dinner

4 (3/4 inch) thick pork chops
1 teaspoon vegetable oil
2 tablespoons brown sugar
salt and pepper to taste
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 tart apples - peeled, cored and sliced
3 tablespoons pecans (optional)
1.Preheat oven to 175 degrees F (80 degrees C). Place a medium dish in the oven to warm.
2.Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat. Brush chops lightly with oil and place in hot pan. Cook for 5 to 6 minutes, turning occasionally, or until done. Transfer to the warm dish, and keep warm in the preheated oven.
3.In a small bowl, combine brown sugar, salt and pepper, cinnamon and nutmeg. Add butter to skillet, and stir in brown sugar mixture and apples. Cover and cook until apples are just tender. Remove apples with a slotted spoon and arrange on top of chops. Keep warm in the preheated oven.
4.Continue cooking sauce uncovered in skillet, until thickened slightly. Spoon sauce over apples and chops. Sprinkle with pecans.

nom nom nom!

not sure what to make with this as far as veggies or sides...hmmm

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Wordless Wendsday

pretty shiney...ohhhhh

If I was on a desert island and I could only bring two things I would bring a solar powerd water proof satalite phone...and mascara.

i love mascara.

sooo much!

When I was 38 weeks pregnant I was packing my bag for the birthing center. I didn't want to over pack and since I knew I was coming home 6 hours after giving birth...I didn't pack more than a change of clothes deoderant and a hairbrush (for myself)

When my water broke and we started out for the center i forgot to grab my purse...which held my mascara. 4 hours before I deliverd our daughter...I sent david to the get me some mascara.

I know...Im crazy

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Lonely...oh so lonely

i miss my seriously. He isn't gone...just at work. I wish he did not have to work nights. I miss him once the sun goes down...ahhh who am I trying to fool...i am scared when the sun goes down. By all of the what ifs.! lol

Saturday, April 17, 2010

another day another giveaway...

Ironbiclly this time it is not a baby iteam...Its something pretty for mom!
now I am sure my readers (you know...all 2 of them) are going...CC..another giveaway?really? But to be fair lets look at the facts...I dont participate in them all the time. I do read the blog before participating to make sure it would be of interest to me and my readers (both of them.

I admite...I like mommy blogs and cooking blogs the best. im a new mom..and I like to cook. NNow if i ran across a blog that say was giving away a free cruise...and it was about nucelar science or molecular biology....probably wouldn't participate. lol

but back to the giveaway
mozey on over and cheack out this blog., belongs to one of my bumpettes.

the bracelet is lovely and would look great with this new pair of shoes i own!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The hardest part

she is three months old now. I can't belive it has only been three months.

Yesterday someone asked me what is the hardest part. I had to think.

The hardest part for me was the first two weeks. The worry was she breathing?why isn't she making any noise? What is that noise she is making????

I struggled harder than anyone can possiblly have known. Staying up till 7 in the morning because she wouldn't go to sleep. and then waking up at 9 for a feeding. I was exsausted emotional and on edge.

But it got better.

I was lucky enough to get the help I needed and I had D who was the most supportive amazing partner.

So the hardest part of mommyhood..for me...was admiting that i needed help. That i couldn't do it alone. and that the mommy instinct...didn't kick in immedietly

So Im thinking of a change

Nothing major just condencing the two blogs into one. I originally started this blog just to have an outlet. I don't expect people to come over here in droves and I don't feel that because i blog I should make money...Im not that good of a writer and my life isn't that interesting! lol

But two blogs to try and keep up with is two too many (i also write on facebook and myspace)

So I will write my mommy adventures here as well.

Now on to other things.

Im a WINNER! Thats right...3 times baby...3 giveaways!

1st giveaway (adventures of baby kaitlyn blog) legs. Can i tell you just how much I love these! P's legs stay warm and diaper changes are much easier (my child does not like all.

2nd giveaway-(johnson family blog) tommee tippee bottle this bottle. Maybe it's because she is so used to her other bottles...maybe it's because it has the slow flow nipple...but for whatever reason she was less than enthusiastic about this bottle. I do like the shape (so much easier to hold!) and the shape of the nipple is nice. We will see. I will say this though. She is napping and just ate...if she doesn't spit up after her nap (aqs she normally does) I may change my mind and buy a whole set! lol

my next win was from the mommysavesmoney blog. I won her a pair of the cutest mary jane shoes from etsy. I haven't recived them yet but am totally excited to see her in them!

Well folks thats all for now!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

controversial? probably

I was on medicaid while pregnant. my daughter is still on medicaid. We have never recived her card and have to print one out every month from the computer. She is getting her shots on friday so I today went to print out her card fro the month of april.

Imagine my surprise when I see it says she is not coverd because she has coverage already under a smilar programe...uhhhh how bout no medicaid.

I was on the phone for about 2 hours clearing it up.


And the new govermnet health care programe is supposed to be any better? seriously?

How bout bout we fix the programs we already have to help people before we try to start anymore...sounds good?

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Things i miss

4 years ago i was single. I love my life now. wife, mommy, teacher, and cook but there are things I miss.

I miss meeting new people all the time. Don't get me wrong I don't want to go out and meet a new guy but i miss going out with a group of friends and meeting people at the club or bar or comedy house that I was unlikely to ever see again but still bonded with over music and laughter.

I miss the freedom of getting up on my day off and just going to the beach. No planning a week in advance or taking an hour to get out the door and no lugging around 20 extra pounds of stuff.

But that is all I miss.

I don't miss the loneliness. The looks from people as i would sit alone in a cafe reading that said 'the poor girl is all alone".

I don't miss the guys who thought of me as desperate and easy because i was not dancing with one guy in particular.

i guess just looking at my life over the last 4 years and the changes that have happened it seems like that single girl was just so lost...but having fun trying to find her way!

Monday, March 29, 2010

Mommy saves money is having a giveaway!

My god these mary janes are adorable! I have to say this blog is fast becoming one of my favorites. It's not just giveaways it's also the best blog fro saving mony!

cross yer fingers for me folks!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I do love blogging...I swear!

So I know I have readers. I know some in real life and some from the interwebz. I also know some are anon. I would love to write a blog answering questions aboout myself that my readers want to know....BUT...That would require me to ask my readers to ask questions...and if no one does...I will be vury sad!

So here is part 1

Name: michelle
Occupation: mommy, wife, chef, houskeeper, teacher and ummm lovebunny to my hubby
Favoite color:pink
Favorite fewd:curry chicken and couscous

I will answer more questions with each post. If you want to ask a specific question please ask away!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

because who doesn't love saving money and getting free stuff!

I know I do!

Last week I got a really cute pair of baby legs. I also get free books. I get free haircuts and manicures from friends in cosmo school and so help me i love the free stuff section of craigslisgt.

And now...another giveaway!

You may have noticed a new button *points to mommy saves money blog button*

Which is one of many ways I will be entereing.

Because she is giving away a pom pom hat! *squeak*

now here is the thing before people start screaming Capt.! You cheap woman! buy her a hat don't just pretend to like a blog.

Im not. She is one of my fellow bumpies and Her blog is great a source of wonderful info so go cheack her out!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Baby legs

ok so it's a fad...yes.

and yes i understand that leg warmers are an "80's" fashion and i myself am only 27 and being I was born in 83 I am disqualified from i love the 80's stuff because I was to young to love it.

But I love baby legs!

and this loverly mommy blogger is doing a giveaway.

As you can see from the comments...i really want these leggings!


This is also a great mommy blog so I would totally read her stuff if you can!

cross yer fingers for me and have a great day!

Friday, February 12, 2010

ou would think I would have grown out of this by now

So here is the deal

I'm 27. I have been married twice. I am a mother now. I have graduated from collage.

So why in the name of all that is holey am I still making stupid mistakes?

I lit a pot holder on fire.

by accident of course but come on!

It was sitting on a burner, Not the one I wished to ignite but that makes no difference. Because I turned on the wrong one and TA-DA! the smell of synthetic fibers roasting away on an open flame is now prominent in my home.

Will I never grow out of this

*head desk*

Monday, February 1, 2010

Book reviews and life!

I am so bad. It has taken me a month to read this book! Ach! It has never taken that long for me to read anything. But i finished it and here it is!

The King and Dr. Nick
by George Nicholopoulos M.D.
with Rose Clayton Phillips

I am an elvis fan so reading a book about his final private moments intrigued me.
I was in shock to find out that unlike what media made him Dr. Nick was in fact a close personal friend of the singer and in fact trying to heal his failing health.

A book about friendship, spiritual strength, and the last moments of the life of a man whose private life was made public. Filled with pictures and true accounts it shows a behind the curtain look at the price of fame and the value of redemption. written from the personal physician of "The King"

This book was slow going at first (although that could have had a lot to do with you know...the new baby) but if you like reading true story type books about unlikly friendships and spiritual redemption as well as standing tall in the face of tragedy then you will enjoy this book.

Happy Reading

Monday, January 4, 2010

Im Back! And I has a mission!

I review for Thomas Nelson Book Review Bloggers

That's right...I have decided to put this blog to really good use and do something else I love as well! Book reviewing means I gets to read free books!.

Now as I love reading and as i have not only a plethora of books but a library card I will start he reviews tomorrow. once i getting the books from above mentioned site and reading them their reviews will come as well.

Happy Reading!