Friday, February 4, 2011

Lost...and found

I haven't written in so long. In part because I haven't had time. It seems like anymore the day seems to fly by and before I know it the sun is setting again and penny is getting ready for bed. after a year of mommyhood I still feel like I just don't have a grasp on it sometimes. I qustion my self and onstantly seek approval from others.

I am often jealous of D and penny's relationship. Her face lights up as soon as she see's him. It has been a while since that happend with me. she used to give me big smiles when I walked in her room in the morning but in the last 3 months that has stoped. Which made me sad.

D told me it was just beacuse I am with her all the time and he isn't. He assured me she loves me and is lost when I am not there.

I finally understood the other day when i attended my first MOPS group and had to drop penny off at the moppets group.

Granted i was only gone for 2 hours but as soon as she heard my voice and saw my face she gave me a huge smile and ran to the door with arms outstreatched. It felt wonderful.

I think every mom questions herself from time to time and my therapist says I am having normal natural feelings.

I just wish I didn't. I wish I could be one of those moms who knows what she is doing and has the perfect comeback every single time someone questions her choices. But I don't. It simply makes me question myself even further.

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