Monday, August 30, 2010


i hate not being in control. Yet another suck ass part of ppd.

The past 3 weeks have been a little harder than normal though. D lost his job (well ok he didn't lose it...i mean he knows where it is it just isn't is job anymore)which means that this warrior princess *points to self* is hella stressed.

It doesn't matter that we have enough money in our account saved up to get us through the next 6 months without having to make cuts. Or that my husband is the best money manager and has actually made a budget to streatch it out for an additional 3 months without making any really huge sacrafices.

I have no control over this. and it is eating me alive.

I want my family to be safe happy and well cared for. I want everything to be ok.

But if everything in life was perfect it would not be called would be called paradise.

Life is about choices, bad times, hardships, and suffering.

But as I have to remind myself constantly life is also about perserverence, love, faith, hope, and smelling the flowers.

This morning D and i took the baby for a walk to a park. They had a little butterfly garden which she was in love with. a huge Monarch butterfly landed on her hand and they just sat there for about 10 seconds staring at each other in fasination (curse me for not bringing a camera!)

Then the butterfly took off and flew away while my daughter watched and giggled.

I wish I could channel that everyday.

Note to self. always stop and enjoy the butterflies.

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