The weather is getting warmer and warmer every day. I knew this was coming. I have a love hate relationship with florida spring and summer weather. I love going to the beach and swimming by the pool and soaking up the yummy sun rays. but I hate bathing suit season.
because I have never...NEVE...looked good in a bathing suit.
I mean they show off everything!
Loising weight for me has been a struggle.
But I love the water and I want penny to have good self esteem.
So for the past 3 days we have played at the beach and the pool. And I doned a bathing suit.
And we had fun.
Then today happend.
While at the pool a group of girls came in (I would say 11-13) all in their cute little bikini bathing suits. About 5 minutes later another little girl came down with her mom (she looked like she was about 8 or 9) and she was wearing a one peice. As soon as she saw the other girls she smiled jumped in the pool and swam over to them. Now before i continue I must say that 1) this little girl was in now way overweight...but she was not developed like the other girls and 2) I was surprised by how well of a swimmer she was.
The older three girls...ignored her laughed at her called her chunky.
And I watched as she swamm back to the other side of the pool climbed the steps wrapped a towel around her sholders and sat next to her mom.
Her mom hugged her told her she was beautiful and that she was the best daughter ever.
The little girl refused to take the towel off and she and her mother left the pool 10 minutes later.
She wasn't my child. But my heart broke for her. because she was me. And she is me. Still scared of being judged and made fun of for not looking right.
But why did those other little girls think it was ok?
Then Their mothers showed up...and I understood.
because for the next 20 minuets the moms sat on pool chairs drinking wine coolers and chatting back and forth about how much weight a friend of theirs had gained and how annoying it was to go out with her now. When I got out of the pool with penny I heard one of them say "oh my god"
I ignored it...because it couldn't possibly be about me.
Then as we were leaving one of them whisperd (loudly) that poor little girl...hope she doesn't get fat like her mom.
And thats when it hit me.
those little girls...those mean insesitive little girls...were just repeting what they heard mom say and do.
So I have made a promise to myself.
I want my daughter to be happy and healthy. And to not let other people deflate her self image.
And to do that...I have to be happy with myself...and not let others deflate my self image as well.