Thursday, June 11, 2009

an AHA! moment...kind of

So I have a couple of confessions.

1) When I was younger...I loved the Jerry Springer show. I did. This was of course before it became the trashy crap fest that it is now (it it even still on the air? really?) I had a totall crush on steve and his sexy ass bald head and I totally loved judging the people on the show with the audience members.

2)The ones I judged the most were the unfaithful people who thought that reveling themselves on the show was ok. And I judged the people they were cheating on the most. I remember thinking "If it was me and someone cheated on me and then acted like that with no remorse and obviouslly did not want me...I would leave immedietlly. Why fight for someone like that?

I now know...for a fact...if david did that...i would totally fight for him.

Now let me explain he has not ever EVER cheated on me and I know in my heart he never would.

But last night i had a trully awful terrifying dream. and this is what happend

In my dream david and I were sitting in a restraunt having dinner. He was quiet for the most part until he suggested that it would be a good idea for me to sleep with other men. At first I thought he was joking but soon realized he wasnt. He confessed to sleeping with our friend (and keith's long time roomate) jennie. I was heartbroken. But I forgave him and we went home. Later Keith called and invited us to his house for a small gathering saying "we figured david and jen could hook up again"

I said no and then after hanging up realized he didn't say jennie...but jen (who is his other roomie...whom I really don't like)

I confronted david who laughed and said "yeah....sorry I didn't sleep with jennie I slept with jen...she was a virgin (at this point I knew it was dream) and it was pretty fun.

The rest of the dream consisted of me in tears and heartbroken beging him to break things off and stay with me and to love me yadda yadda yadda.

I woke up in tears and physically ill.

But I know for a fact that this is exactlly how I would act in this situation and I understand now why they have fights break out on episodes of springer (because all the story's on that show are real...right!?!?!?!)

This is just another example of how peoples (or at least my) percpectives change when you fall in love I guess.

Enlightend Thoughts!

Michelle"I hate these kinda dreams"Gasaway


becoming brina said...

i understand that perspective, because i took my ex back after he cheated on me once. BUT. there was no "physical" cheating, if that makes sense; it was a chick on the interweb and as soon as i found out he freaked out and ended it and such. i think that if there'd been any actual, y'know, physical contact, i would've ended it immediately. But i wouldn't take a guy back after that again, because of course he did it again and this time followed through, and i can only blame myself for allowing myself to be hurt.
i've realized now that if a guy doesn't have the sense to realize that i'm the best fucking thing to ever happen to him, i don't need him in my life. i'm worth so much more than that.

Captain Cleavage said...

it's funny. I know I am worth more and I know that in the past i have been cheated on. I have broken up with thise people immedietlly. But I don't know...I have a sneaky suspision that I would not be nearly as strong if it were david.

luckily i trust him and i have a feeling it was just one of those worst of your fears type of dreams! lol