The breakdown.

In the past few weeks D has been slipping. He has good days (or as I call them days where he hids it well) and really horrible days.

But it's always there...just beneth the surface.

In the past few weeks he has gone from hopeful (as soon as I get a job things will be ok...we just may need to budget) to hopeless (Game over it's done! You guys are better off without me)

Yesterday he went to see a guy at ace hardware...a family friend.

He was told he would be the first hire. he guy was seriously impressed with his resume.

But they will not be hiring for 4 more weeks.

for d that is to long.

He became quietly depressed. Which is worse than before. before he was at least talking.

Yesterday I asked him if he wanted to be alone...should the baby and i go spend the night at my moms house...so we could be out of his hair.

he told me to do whatever i felt was right.

I decided to stay but to take the baby to my moms house. I though david and I just needed a night together...alone.

needless to say he broke down when I brought her in to say goodbye.

First he thought we were both leaving. Then he just cried. and then I cried. and then penny started crying.

So there we were. a family. struggaling. loving. and crying together.

After the tears stopped and we all calmed down He promised never to leave us. And I promised never to take the baby and leave him

...and penny said quack quack drooled a little bit and tried to pull out davids leg hair...

Which was (roughly translated) her way of saying...

and I will never leave either.


We are a family. We stick together. As long as we are all still together we will be ok.

I know it.